An intimidating phone call...

I woke to my alarm at 12, 3, and 6, each time tiptoeing down the hall and into the nursery. Jacob wakes up as I move him around to change his diaper. He wolfs down the first half of the bottle, then after a big burp or two, I coax him to eat the second half. Sometimes good, sometimes not. Mostly he is eating 1.5 ounces per feeding.

Today the nurse is a stickler for the rules. So I’m not pushing it. Just sitting her getting caught up on blogging while Jakey sleeps. I’m still a little tired, so I may end up falling asleep in this rocking chair myself…unless that upsets the nurse.

The doctor came in around noon. She said he’s doing well. She commented that he is either sleeping comfortably or looking around contentedly whenever she’s checked on him. She said other than rapid breathing and a chest x-ray with a clear pneumonia on it, he doesn’t act sick at all. She said she’d like to try weaning him again, but she isn’t worried about him going home on oxygen. She made arrangements –well, told the nurse to make arrangements for us to “room in” with him for 24 hours before we take him home. So in theory, I’ll get to take him to our room Monday morning. It’ll be nice to have a room and nice to have him there with me. But even nicer the next day when we can go home!!!

We talked a little about the meth in his stool sample. She says all it indicates is that Cori used a methamphetamine at some point during the pregnancy. It doesn’t say what kind or when. She said it’s an insult to a growing brain, same as antidepressants are when a PG mom takes them during pregnancy. She said the answer she got from the “expert” was that we really don’t know how it will affect him and that the environment he grows up in can make a big difference.

Then the agency called to see if it would be okay if Cori and her dad talked with me on the phone. Scary! How do you say thank you for giving me your baby? I just wanted to cry. Both Cori and her dad (remember her mom’s name is Kim and her Dad is Todd and her brother is Cameron – CJ) were on the phone. The agency social worker was wonderful. She led the discussion, asked Cori if she had any questions for me. None. Then she asked me to tell Cori how Jacob was doing – and that we named him Jacob. Todd wanted to tell me how wonderful Cori is. The social worker asked me to tell them what kinds of things we like to do as a family. I talked about games, told them Dave played basketball in college, so we have a hoop in our driveway. We play games, do outdoor things as well as indoor games including PS2, guitar hero. Todd said Jacob will fit right in. Their family snow skis in the winter and water skis in the summer. They asked if they could send more “normal” pics of Cori (the Dad kept ranting and raving about what a wonderful girl she is) I said YES, of course. I explained I am not allowed to take pictures here, but I’ll get some sent as soon as he gets home. I asked if she would like it if I sent 2 copies, one for her mom. Cori said her Mom would love that. Todd talked about how he wasn’t sure how he’d handle having a grandson that wasn’t part of his everyday life, but that he just had a peaceful feeling and knew that Jakey has a wonderful family. As I’m writing this, I realize what an answer to prayers that is. We’ve prayed that Jakey’s birth parents (and I guess that includes birth grandparents) would feel at peace with their decision. It was a very nice phone call. Not scary at all. I told them how wonderful he is . And thanked them and promised to send photos. I also told them if they wanted to call again, to go ahead. I’d be happy to talk again if they wanted to.

It’s about 4 pm and the get up over and over again is getting to me. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. In theory we’ll get a room at about 9 am and I can feed him and sleep and feed him and sleep…in a bed. Phew!

Mom, Dad, & Karen came at about 8. They stayed for about a half an hour. Mom held him first. She commented on how much he looks like Marky. It’s the recessed chin. And we talked about how he fits our family. Then Dad held him. Then Aunt Karen, then Grandma once more. I updated them on how he was doing and they told me how Blanding was. It was fun to see them. When I fed Mark at 9, he didn’t go to sleep. I couldn’t leave him awake, so I ended up staying ‘til nearly 11 when he finally went to sleep. This time the nurse called me when he was hungry. But because his schedule was off, I slept from 11 til 2, then fed him then again til 5, then fed him, cleaned up my room so the nurse could put the cot and any signs of my presence away before she left, and I was up for the day.

On the way to Blanding...

I got up early to make sure I was packed and ready to go. I had to wash and dry some clothes also. AND I wanted to get some things done for Chelle’s Creations so I’d have something to do all the way down in the car. I barely made it. But I had a few extras in my suitcase and while I shouldn’t need to re-wash my hair, I put enough stuff in to be able to get ready from scratch.

I was cruising along extracting stitches – LOVE how they are turning out—when I got a call from Kathy, the founder of A Act of Love (the adoption agency). Turns out the family that Cori picked, changed their mind about the baby, did we want it? Dave and 2 other agency people were on the line. Dave had been talking to them for a while when I they called me. He said from the time they called he’d been bawling like a baby. They explained that the baby had pneumonia and was still in the hospital on antibiotics—7 days—but we could go see him as soon as we wanted.

We were in Bountiful. So Mom and Dad took a detour and dropped me at the front entrance to SLC regional medical center. I carted my luggage through the hallways to the nursery window. I could only see a little girl inside. But half of the blinds were closed. As I paced the hallway, I wondered where he could be. Across the room (if I peeked in the little window in the door) I could see a tiny bundle wiggling from time to time.

Finally (it was probably 3 minutes) a guy asked me if I was Rachelle. (it was Kathy’s husband). A few minutes later I was supposed to hand the nursery nurse my driver’s license. I was so nervous I dropped my phone and nearly dropped my wallet. I was not shaking so much as just weak. We visited for what seemed like forever, before I got to wander over to his bed.

When I first saw his soft little head, the overwhelming thought was “he’s so tiny!”

He’s adorable. He has a little bit of brown, almost frosted hair—just like Marky and Emily. He has Natalie’s nose. And our family’s chin. Everyone comments on how much he looks like us. LOL! He’d just been fed, but I got to just sit in the rocking chair and hold him.

The agency ladies took a picture of us and texted it to Cori and her Mom. Cori’s mom was way excited! She said “now that looks like a real mom.” Apparently Cori had been very upset about leaving her baby with no parents (she knew the others had changed their minds) Once Cori got off the plane and saw the pics, her Mom texted again “Cori is very happy and that is what matters most.” “Tell that Mom and Dad how grateful we are.” We had her text back how eternally grateful we are for that wonderful gift they gave us.

I fed Jacob once before Dave and the kids arrived. He got the hiccups in the middle and had his eyes wide open for quite a while. When I would get close to him talking to him, he’d turn to me and open his eyes. I think he might be learning my voice.

They put the crib together before they came. LOL! I didn’t think they’d get in. There are signs everywhere that say no one under 14 admitted inside the hospital. But there they were pressing their noses to the glass. After introducing Jacob to his daddy, I went out with the kids for a while. Then Dave took them to dinner (and brought me back some) while I fed Jacob again. We all went out in the hall to eat dinner together. Then Dave and I went in to tell Jacob goodnight—well, he was telling him goodnight, I was staying. Then they nurse surprised us all and let the girls come in. They each got to hold him for about 2 minutes. They were thrilled! It was very neat. The nurses had watched how they cared for Marky in the hallway and waited for us. They were rewarded accordingly. Also the nurse made a cot for me in an empty teaching room so I had a place to sleep.

Before the 9pm feeding, we gave Jacob a bath. He has an IV, so we couldn’t get that leg wet. The nurse held that leg out of the water while I bathed him. He screamed through the whole thing. Part of the purpose of the bath was that he has a VERY sore bottom from the medicines. So we wanted to soak it. He was so upset, that we fed him in the tub to help him calm down. He sucks so hard for the first minute or so, almost forgetting to swallow. Then he calms right down. It’s a little hard to get the last half of the formula in him. He isn’t an easy burper, it takes some time, but he does have big burps. We put him under the warmer, and put jammies on him, then fed him the other half of the bottle. Then once he was settled. (He’s always asleep when he finishes eating.) I went off to bed.

A new job?

Because I was home with the flu on Wednesday, and I didn’t get all my work done, I went in to the office again today. Didn’t help much. Dave had another full day’s work for me. I got SOME things done. Some account review info. Completed two applications for Dave. Sorted through 181 emails. Near the end of the day I was tired and having a difficult time staying on task. I didn’t get home ‘til 4, but I probably could’ve made that 3 if I’d been paying attention. I was distracted. Tom called and offered me a job. Not a job I’d LIKE, but a job paying $40/hour, 20 hours/week for the next 3 months. A LOT of money. Working from a computer. Hours are flexible, but you must be available for conference calls, etc. He says I’m capable, I probably could do it, but WHEN am I going to fit that in.

So I spent the afternoon figuring out how/if it was possible. Several ideas came to my mind about being more organized. Especially the scripture: “…house of order…” I realized I have been falling down in this area.

Went to the temple with Mom and Dad. Dave said he wanted to go to the temple before we decide about Tom’s job. And he wanted to go for our date, so we went. The temple was PACKED. Both waiting rooms were full. We waited over 30 minutes for a session, then again before we could move for the final part. That drove Mom crazy. Me, not so much. I’m getting used to just relaxing when you can’t change anything. I was mostly thinking about the job. Is it a blessing from Heavenly Father to help us earn the money for a baby? Or is it a distraction from Satan, helping me to ignore my kids. Not very far into the session, I knew I needed to say no. I was bummed and questioned/rejected it at first, but it was pretty clear: “say no.”

Last time I went to the temple (right before Christmas), I was pondering the adoption when I felt the Kiersti came and said “he’s coming” in an excited way. That didn’t mean tomorrow, but it was very comforting. This time I was pleading, “ Kiersti, where are you? I’m confused. What do I need to do to prepare?” I don’t know that I felt HER as strongly this time, but I did have a good feeling that everything would be OK.

After the temple we ate dinner at Angie’s with Mom and Dad. They ran out of salmon right before us, so we ended up with other things. It was good, but Mom was still stressed about the time. We leave tomorrow morning at 10 for Blanding. (Curtis, my indian placement uncle,'s son is leaving on a mission and we are going to the farewell...mom, dad, karen, and I)

P&C...finally!

I managed to get out the door on time today. Worked all morning---wait. Helped Uncle Cleon half of the morning. Worked the other half. At 1 Dave and I went to lunch with a wholesaler for P&C. We ate at Firehouse Pizzaria. I was quite uncomfortable. Not when Dave was there…well, a little when Dave was there. But mostly Dave left twice to take phone calls and I could think of nothing to say. We went back to the office for training. Mom even stayed. We all sat around John’s computer while a lady from the home office walked us through quoting someone. I was sure glad we have John. He understood all the little details and could explain them to us. Went to the back to open a new account: trust account for customers who want to pay us, then the insurance company will take the money out of the account. Home late. AGAIN. Oh, and up late cleaning for Katie to come tomorrow.

At least I didn't throw up...

Woke up feeling marginally better. Ate a little, but really pretty queasy all day long. However, since I was at home, I got to work on the kit all day. Good thing because I barely got it done in time. That new 8pm Wednesday deadline is going to be a little hard to get used to. I’m so glad the storytelling class is nearly over. It takes SO MUCH TIME! Took the girls to YW – Marky was asleep. But I asked them to find a ride home. Adoption agency called (late afternoon) to say that Cori had chosen another family. L

But she did say we were one of her top choices. When I told Dave, he said maybe we'll hear about this baby again. (it's only the second of 10 that we've said yes to). I said they'd call again soon. They always do.

This doesn't look good...

Went to work today. Busy, busy day. Christine sent parts of another kit for me to check out. (I’m her mentor) We’ve had lots of email conversations about whether she’ll make it or not. She could. But I don’t know if she wants to badly enough. So between QC-ing her stuff, trying out Happy’s new action for her, and trying to work for Dave, it was stressful. Forgot my lunch (I pack breakfast and lunch each day, so this also means no breakfast.) Natalie had a dermatology appointment in Ogden right after school. So between work and picking her up, I went home and got my lunch. And just for good measure I put the camera, car seat, and baby bag in the car. I’m not driving 1.5 hours towards SLC only to have them call and say come, so I have to drive home, then back again. What about Dave bringing it? Dave spent the day in Provo. I was so tired. Too tired for marriage class. Dave wasn’t going to make it back to “take” me, so he said I didn’t have to go. Woo Hoo! I went for groceries and got home around 6:30. Cut up the rotisserie chicken for the kids. Did not feel well. Mom called to say she’d thrown up twice. Grrr! Went to bed about 8pm as soon as tomorrow’s lesson was ready to post. Adoption agency did not call.

Hurray for PJ days!

Worked in my PJ’s all day today. Yea! A day off work that I didn’t have to go in anyway! Got lots done on the food4fans kit. Still not done-done, but made a ton of progress.

Tonight around 6-ish the adoption agency sent us another baby offer. 16 year old from Alaska. Having the baby right now in SLC. Gender unknown. Decide right away. Are we interested? We said yes. Prayed about it and sent it in.

Started on tomorrow’s freebie after reading scriptures with Emily at 11. Got to bed at 2am.

Oh, and Katie has the flu BAD today. Grrrr!

To go, or not to go...

So since Katie's kids were sick yesterday and she was "maybe" sick last night--too sick to practice--we debated going to Mom's tonight.

Katie (and her kids) were fine today. Hungry as ever. She made it by the end of sacrament meeting so we could practice ONCE before we sang. But it sounded lovely anyway.

The girls got their new personal progress books, so they spent the afternoon working on PP.

Busy, busy, busy...

I can't believe I made it to Saturday. Everyone slept in this morning. Technically so did I, but I was up with the laundry going and at the compy by 7:30.

Writing next week's lessons til 1pm...between laundry batches and with a singing practice squeezed in in the AM.

Extracting Food for Fans 'til date time at 6:30.

Zip into town to eat at Angies and back home by 8.

Play with felt while watching TV with the kids & Dave.

Over to Mom and Dad's to help hook up his new TV.

Home by 10:30. More felt 'til 11. Scriptures with Emily.

In bed by midnight.

Today was not my best day...

So I called the doctor yesterday to ask when Mark could go back to school, and he said today would be fine. But the nurse didn't know that, so she told the school nurse he'd be home for a few days. So he's home AGAIN with me because the school nurse went out of town since we didn't "need" her. ARG!!!!!!!!!

And we had to go to work! On Friday! My Mom wanted to go...well, she wanted to get caught up. I didn't care about getting caught up. I'm just too tired this week to care about anything. But I got ready to leave early so Marky and I could go to the store and get the fire extinguishers and house numbers and anything else we need to pass the fire re-inspection which was supposed to be completed by today. But I got to Smithfield Imp and called Dave to ask about the fire extinguishers and he decided he'd rather hunt for some crappy ones that he bought last summer. ARG!!!!

Then I'm checking out when Mom calls and says the garbage truck is nearby and I need to hurry and help get the garbage out. GRRRR! I HATE garbage. But I race over there and drag the garbage bins to the street (way on the other side of the building next door).

I'm freezing and cold. It's snowing. I can't find my coat. AND I'm hauling Marky and his crap into the office.

So apparently Dave had LOTS of work for us to do, 'cuz we barely finished by 1pm. Marky and I were headed to do the grocery shopping when Mom told me that we had a singing practice out in Trenton at 1:30. So I went home. Marky peed on me while I was carrying him into Mom's for the singing practice. Seriously. Not my best day...but wait...there's MORE...

So after the practice I left Marky with the girls and went shopping. Phew! Nice not to have to carry him. I got Marky's and my prescriptions filled and was headed to Walmart when Dave called to say I'd locked John out of my office. Grrr!

I think I got home about 5:30. The girls helped unload the groceries. Dave and I were going on a date at 6, but after my bad morning, I wanted a stay-home date. Plus with the weather (yes, another snow storm) I didn't think he'd be home in time. He promised 6:45 and I bought and cooked salmon. He called at about 7. He'd run off the road. Three miles from home. Swerving for a cat. I give up.

I went to bed at like 11:00. Didn't even put the sheets back on the bed (I'd also managed 4 batches of laundry today), just crawled in and pulled the covers up over my head.

More snow...

So Marky stayed home with his Dad to ride the lawnmower/snowplow while I went into work early. He was so bored at work. The room is nice and big. We have a space heater in there, but he's just bored playing with his toys on the floor all day.

Oh, for the 4th pay period in a row, our check was NOT auto deposited today. Driving me crazy! So I spent a chunk of time on the phone trying to track down money (there's a $1085 refund we are waiting on as well). And making one of the mortgage payments on the building. They messed up how the loan was set up, so it either doesn't send bills or it sends bills for the wrong amount. I got them to fax a letter with the correct amount (and confirmed it was now set up right).

Then Marky & I made the deposit, and went to pick up the mail at Dave's old office. The reimbursement check was there! So off to the copy center and back to the bank.

Home in time to get dinner in the oven and cooked. Then take the girls to YW/YM (skating at the ice center--group rate night).

Marky & I stopped at Mom and Dad's on the way home to have her color my hair. Woo Hoo! I don't have one inch of grey roots anymore! But I do need a cut. Gotta fit that in in the next week or so.

Thursday nights are my late nights (that and Mondays) I was falling asleep at 12:39 trying to get my newsletter sent out. Better luck in the AM.

Sick and afflicted...

Emily is sick today. Last night (during our class) apparently she felt like she'd throw up, so she went to bed early and without eating anything. But first she wrote me a letter asking if she could stay home and to please not wake her.

Besides that, Marky is home. No nurse available to take him to school. But that's not all...

So the culture in his ears grew...(imagine a bone chilling scream when you read this part)... MRSA. So yesterday they called to tell me that this morning they would be calling in prescriptions for it. And they did. But in the meantime, he developed either pink eye or conjuctivitis. So first I had to find out what the Rx's were (from the pharmacy) then call the pediatricians office and see if those would cure the conjuctivitis or if we needed a different med. She had to ask the doctor and get back to me. By the end of the day Dave brought home 3 new meds for all our ailments.

By late morning Emily was awake and starving. She's better now.

At bedtime the nurse asked if Marky would be going to school Thursday...with MRSA? I didn't think to ask the doctor, but since he has the pink eye. The answer is no. He'll be home again tomorrow. ARG!

Too tired to care...

So AFTER we got out of the hot tub last night, I still needed to finish getting my kit in the store and posted everywhere, but I got that done by 10:30. Then reading scriptures with Emily.

So at nearly 11 pm I was ready to START on the Tuesday Freebie for my class. ARG!!!

My sewing machine (the one I'd had since I was 16) bit the dust this fall...for the last time. I bought a new machine right away, but I never took the time to learn to use it. I'd had it out and threaded once, but that was back in October. So, with great trepidation, I took a few pieces of cardstock and a few spools of thread and embarked on creating stitched journaling pieces.

Within a few minutes I could make the machine make marginally messy stitches (I wanted messy). So about an hour later, I had all 8 pieces stiched. Then to start turning them into a digi product.

Long story short, I went to bed at 2:30 am. WAY too late.

Dave let me sleep in in the morning, but I heard the kids at 6:30 and got up then. We'd had a storm overnight/early morning and the roads were dreadful. I cancelled Nat's dermatology appt in Ogden.

But we still went to the "improving your marriage" class. A USU extension 4 week course on improving your marriage, first night tonight. Honestly I was so bored...mostly because I was TOO tired. I tried looking at a magazine, but that made Dave unhappy because I looked like I could care less what the speaker was saying (um...ya!)

I went to bed at midnight...still had to get my lesson ready for the next day.

Human Rights Day?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? Whatever it's called, the kids were out of school. The kids took down some Christmas (yes, it's well into January and we still have our tree up) before they could go play at Grandma Cottle's house. I needed to go in the afternoon for a singing practice. Natalie needed Grandpa's help with her geometry. I mostly worked on my Sunny Side Up kit when we weren't singing.

For Relief Society this coming Sunday, the lesson is on service, so Mom wanted someone to sing "Develop His Power Within You." It has gorgeous harmony. Mom and her sisters sang it so many times when we were younger, that we knew the song quite well without even practicing. So Mom, Katie & I would be singing. Mom was going to sing second. That left Katie and I to fight over the alto and soprano (usually I sing second with Mom). I could barely hit the alto, which wasn't even written in. So I asked for soprano. It had one F, a handful of D's, but the rest was easily in my range. So that's how we decided to do it.

For FHE Dave gave the lesson and Natalie chose Hot Tub for activity. I'm glad we are enjoying it again. It's cold outside, but not IN the hot tub. (I often wear a hat -- yes, a winter hat--and I look like a dork, but I'm WARM!) Mostly we enjoy visiting, since there is nothing to do in the hot tub BUT visit. Maybe I'll get some of those waterproof UNO cards.

I've got pancakes coming out my ears!

Sometimes when i look at it, I think it's AWESOME! Other times I think I should start over. I think it's mostly because I've been looking at it for too long. I spent the entire day. Yup, then ENTIRE day working on my new kit. I mean I walked over to Mom's for a few minutes...to get her light yellow(butter) felt. But that's it. I mostly sat in my chair and designed.

It seemed hard. Usually when I have a kit in my head, it just flows so easily, but this one didn't work like that. I think it's because I did it backwards. I did the fun stuff first. The felt elements are adorable, but I didn't know what color scheme to start with, so I did the elements first and took the colors from them. So now I'm doing the hard stuff last.

And making my own previews is hard. I've made 3 before this one, but none of them were full kits. And this kit is FULL!

I do think I like it. Maybe I just need more sleep.

SM crashed tonight. Not sure when it'll be back up. There has been a rash of hacking at scrap sites all over digi-land. Hope its not too hard to fix.

Communication is the key

So yesterday Mom kept saying she wanted to work on Friday, but I didn't. She only works when I am there, so I can answer questions--although those times are becoming more and more infrequent. Anyhow, I told her I would come in, but I wasn't going to "work for Dave", I'd bring my own stuff to work on. I thought she wanted to come.

She didn't. But she did come and Dave kept her busy with "new stuff" so she didn't make progress on the list that was on her desk when she arrived. We need to figure out how to understand what we mean much better.

I spent the day answering Dave's questions, reminding him of things, and monitoring emails. But really I was working with my felt...on my new kit "sunny side up" -- a breakfast kit. I actually got to go home about 3pm. It was kinda weird. I spent the rest of the day working on my class lessons for next week. I got the main 3 done. Oh, and Marky started crying and wouldn't stop. So I cuddled and rocked him. I think he was cold. After 45 minutes he was ready to play again. In the meantime Emily went to sleep at 4:30 also.

Dave was late getting home for our date, but I was later. Right before we were to leave, I got a phone call from Karen Maughan (a Cottle cousin's wife) about another T6 baby. Angies for dinner/date and home to sleep. It still took me 'til midnight to get to bed.

I am TIRED!

My work days are too long. Seriously. I'm sure my ancestors are laughing at me. But whew!

Katie wanted to clean today, so I raced around straightening the house before work this AM. Then work 'til 2:30, race to Marky's school, take him to therapy from 3 to 4. Then running errands and home about 7.

Too much stress which makes me grumpy!

Then I work on my class/scrap store 'til past midnight, then to bed by 1 am. In fact I think I've been to bed around 1am all week.

More sleep would help with the grumpies too.

312,000 miles is a LOT!

I hate going...I resist as long as possible...but then I'm always glad I went.

The folks at PCMC are so good at what they do. The see so many kids with problems that they know things that most doctors don't. For example, they suggested a couple of options for controlling Marky's drooling. No one has mentioned that before. My vote is the surgery to remove the salivary glands--not all of them, just the 4 out-of-control ones. Apparently it works about 80% of the time.

And his ear needs the canal wall down done as well. Plus the one doctor recommended botox in his knee and knee immobilizers to stretch his leg muscles. So we can do them all at once.

Oh, and we are supposed to see the orthopedics people about his spine/scoliosis. I figured it'd be a few months before we could get in, but they said Feb 1st. Wow! That was fast.

We stopped in to see if baby Ella was there. She was, but she didn't have any parents there. I left a note for Sandy and a bear w/a balloon. At least we knew she was still alive.

But Marky and I left at 8 am and got home at 7pm. Ugh!

You see Dave called me during the day, but my phone didn't work inside PCMC. So once I left I called him. He'd been in Ogden all day. His car died. Or nearly died. It had 312,000 miles on it. $3500 to fix. I picked him up, and as we were driving down the freeway he said it'd take a week or more to fix. I asked him why he didn't ask for a loaner--Dan (Cutrubus) would probably give him one. So we turned around and went back. We knew asking meant they would try to sell us a car, but I wasn't sure that wasn't better than pouring $3500 into that old of a car. Before going in, we prayed that we would know what to do. We considered our options to be: 1) fix the old car or 2) buy a new car -- Dave wanted to get one of their "program" (one year old dealer driven/rental) cadillacs about $30,000. He didn't want to "move sideways", he wanted to upgrade.

We didn't feel good about either option, so we went in to at least see what they had to say. We explained that we'd planned on letting Natalie drive that car next year and buying a new one for Dave next Christmas. Skyler (and Dan) suggested a third option: buy a "teenager" car for $3500 that'd be sure to run for at least a year, then Dave could upgrade. They had a hundai Elantra with 80,000 miles for about $3500. Actually they had 3 or 4 cars that fit our needs, but when they brought the first one around (we were treated like royalty--we didn't even have to walk the lot, they brought the cars to us) Dave said "I'll take it." So we signed a 1 month promissory note and Dave drove the new-to-us car home.

Days like this are stressful. And sometimes I'm better at dealing with it than other times. I slipped up some this week. I need to work harder.

When it rains it pours...

So far it seems we hear from the adoption agency about once a month. So I certainly wasn't expecting another "situation" email this morning...it's only been like 4 or 5 days. And I MOST certainly wasn't expecting the second "situation" email tonight. Holy Cow!

Neither of them are ideal. In fact neither of them would I describe as "good". One is $10,000 more than the average, due in 6 months (explains the higher cost), and the sex of the baby is unknown. The other is a half american indian baby. So it's substantially cheaper, but the tribe has to approve of you and apparently that takes a LONG time and is potentially quite expensive. So tomorrow we'll "search it out in our minds" and go from there.

Phew!

C-C-C-Cold!

It's been cold all winter. Losing 40 lbs isn't helping me stay warm, but still. The other morning it was -20 when the girls caught the bus. Today feels about the same.

I worked today since tomorrow is parent/teacher conferences so the kids will be home.

For Family Home Evening, Emily's lesson was a mini testimony meeting about sharing our experiences and feelings (does it sound like she listened to me talk about my RS lesson?)

It turned out wonderfully. I talked about how I know each of us can receive personal revelation. Dave talked about avoiding contention/not getting angry. Nat spoke about the Lord loving us individually/pre&post earth life really happen(ed/s) and Emily talked about the importance of temple work.

We capped off the evening with a dip in the hot tub. Even in the extreme cold, we can stay warm (briefly) in the hot tub.

There is a God

This never was in question, but it WAS the title of my lesson today. VERY basic and very short--at least in the lesson manual. My memories of my first relief society lesson was that it came together fairly well and by two or three days ahead of time, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

Not this time. I really had a hard time deciding what to do. Like I decided to have them work in small groups finding scriptures that teach us about the character traits of Heavenly Father. Then while Em and I are reading scriptures, I decided that was too hard and not a good idea. So I was back to the drawing board at 11:30 the night before my lesson.

Dave and I brainstormed about it some...but he kept suggesting ideas that to me seemed off topic.

And I forgot my main poster. So I got up, did the main poster, cut all the handouts, made blueberry muffins for breakfast and threw in a roast for lunch. AND I was late for church. I was pushing Marky's wheelchair into place as Bro. Page started the meeting.

I just stuck to the lesson and the topics there. There was a lot of participation in my lesson. Since it was about the basics, answers were easy, but short. And that doesn't help fill the time. I believe that the best lessons are the ones where people bear testimony to one another...not formal testimony meeting, but sharing their spiritual experiences with one another. So that was my goal. Get them to share their testimonies...the little experience testimonies. And apparently it worked. When someone would answer a question...like Camille said she thought Heavenly Father is patient. I asked her why she thought that? Scriptures? Experiences? She started to cry and shared some of her feelings. That was how the whole thing went. Lots of people answering the questions and sharing their spiritual experiences=testimonies. A couple of people didn't...so I tried to share something when they didn't. Note for next time...have more of my own experiences to share.

I was still stressed about filling the time, right up until 11:50, when it was obvious we were going to make it. I think we got out a little early, but Mom gave me a thumbs up, so I knew it was good. Remember she doesn't give compliments that easily.

So my next lesson is titled Jesus Christ. Wow! Better start on that right away.

This is the way we clean the church...

It was our family's turn. And it was DIRTY! Dave worked on his stuff all day. I got some commenting done for my class and worked on my lesson. Then we cleaned the church. Note for next time: it takes a long time to vacuum.

After 2.5 hours of cleaning, we hit Big J's for dinner. Yum!

Then I finished my posters for my lessons.

I'm thinking that 1 am is the new midnight. I haven't been to bed before midnight in I can't remember when.

Saying No can break your heart

So yesterday when I got the email about baby, I was nervous. Not feeling bad about it. Not feeling good about it. Just nervous. Then when Emily and I were reading scriptures, she was reading about where Alma was troubled about what to do with the wayward members of the church. It really struck me how the Lord appreciated the efforts Alma was making to seek the influence of the Lord. Finally I felt good about things. Dave and I talked and prayed and got a little excited about saying yes. Then next morning we filled out the forms so I could send them in.

OK, it's Friday. I was so busy the last couple of days I forgot about having the girls help get the house cleaned for Katie to come. ARG!

So I raced around all morning cleaning and was ready to go about 9am.

On the way in, Katie called to say there was no cold water running in my kitchen sink. She tried a few things...no water in the fridge either. I know that those are the two pipes that go underground. Um...sounds like frozen pipes.

So I argued with the scanner for nearly an hour trying to get the "YES" scanned and sent in. In the meantime Dave came in and asked if we could lose money. The answer is yes, but I said why don't you call the attorney. So he did. And I waited to send it in. First he called A Act of Love. I wanted to listen in, but I ended up taking a call. Act of Love said yes, you can lose money--whatever birth parent expenses you pay are lost if something goes awry. Then he called the attorney's office. The attorney said that the baby's father had contacted him twice, and the baby's grandmother had contacted him as well. He talked about the details of what the dad had to do to protect his rights. He said it's not unusual for a Dad to jump up and down and wave his arms, but when push comes to shove, they don't do anything. And often it goes as far as the dad's mother pushes it. He talked about all the cases, how they win them, and how much they cost. The more he talked, the more uneasy I got. I wasn't sure why. I kinda thought that it meant that maybe we'd have a battle on our hands.

So Dave and I prayed about it. From the moment I kneeled down, I felt like I was going to throw up. Dread. Complete dread. I couldn't even concentrate on what Dave was saying in the prayer. As soon as I felt the dread, then I was sad and depressed too. After the prayer Dave was feeling OK, but I told him about the dread. He asked me to tell him again about my feelings from scripture study. I did. And I felt peaceful, but not like we should say yes. I cried and cried. And filled out another form with a No answer and sent it in.

And worked and worked. Dad came in when he was finished with school. Mom and I were still working. So I talked with him about the water pipes issue. We talked about the details, what pipes went where. Eventually he said something about the water softener. THAT was the key. Then I knew for sure it was frozen pipes because those two places were the only ones that don't go through the water softener. ARG! So Dad started talking about how it usually freezes at the cement line. That's when I realized that Dave had cleaned the garage...removing the boxes from the wall on the other side of the garage. The boxes that were obviously providing insulation. ARG!

So by afternoon it had thawed and was working. And we opened that door and removed the boxes from the inside so that the air could circulate. So it's working again.

I got home from work and errands at 5:30. Dave and I left for our date at 6:30. We ate dinner at our favorite, Angies, and watched a video. But we were so tired that was just fine.

Roll with the punches...

So still no nurse for Marky. And Mom wanted to start work at 8 to make up for yesterday. So I raced around in the morning and got everything ready (including everything I needed...like my scanner...to get my kit done for SM) and left for work at 8.

But Mom didn't realize I was going early, so she didn't get there 'til 9. ARG!

I worked on getting my felt borders in the store...all day. I finished up about 4:30. Posted it. And took off for town. I had three errands to run: post office, prescriptions, and getting my portable EHD drive working. I decided to start with the EHD. I thought it would be fast, but it wasn't. I took too much time. I didn't have time to go to the post office and we decided the prescriptions would wait.

Then I raced to my stake girls camp meeting...with Marky in tow. TWO HOURS later I finally got to go home.

Where I learned that I'd uploaded incorrectly.

Oh, and in the middle of all that, A Act of Love sent us another birthparent situation.

Amazingly enough, I maintained my patience and sanity through the whole thing.

Baby Ella

So Sunday night I got this personal message on facebook. Sandy was asking if I was the right "Chelle". I tracked down her blog and learned that she was expecting another Trisomy 6 baby in February. Wow! I kept saying to myself over and over. At this point in my life I really just kept saying Wow! Another T6 baby (I'm the only one so far that's had 2 live past birth), and to know ahead of time. Anyhow, I responded and mostly forgot about it.

Until last night at 10PM when I got another facebook message...from Sandy. She had moved to Utah on Dec 27th...gone to the hospital on Dec 28th with torn placenta...stayed 'til Jan 4th, home for an hour or so then back and gave birth to Ella 3lbs 5 ozs, Wow! She was in Utah with no family close and had only been in her new apartment for 24hours or so of the week she'd been in Utah.

So, this morning I got up and got ready to go to Provo. I just felt like I should go visit with her. And another "funny" thing. Marky's nurses had other places they had to be today, so I had to take Mark with me. I almost left him home with Emily (made her stay home from school) but decided to take him since he was well. My only hesitancy was if I could get in to see Ella, then I needed to not have Mark. So I asked Mom and Katie to go with me.

We arrived in Provo at about 11:30 and found Sandy on the NICU floor. She came out with the neonatalogist. And THAT is why I had Mark. The doctor asked questions about Mark and I asked questions about Ella. They talked about vision (she had vision tests scheduled for that afternoon) and eating and ...lots of thing in the few minutes while we were there in the hallway.

Then we went to Sandy's room. She was trying to make room for us to sit somewhere, but we were more than happy to stand. After a few minutes I suggested that Mom and Katie go take Karen to lunch and I stayed to visit with Sandy...for 3.5 hours. Time flew by. She told me how they ended up in Utah and what was going on with her family. She told me a little more about Aryn. I answered her questions about Mark and JD and the little baby in St. Louis. We talked about plans and services and before too long it was past time for me to leave.

When I got home it was time to leave to go to New Beginnings. By bedtime I was exhausted. Mostly emotionally. The whole Sandy/Ella thing was emotionally taxing. But I was so upset about not getting anything done for ScrapMatters or Dave's work.

Ruby Tuesday Tuesday

UGH! The first day back to work after too long. And I was there for too long. I wanted to get a portable EHD and I had other errands to run as well. I called Dave and said, "I'm not making it. What can we do?" We decided to change from Angie's to Firehouse because it's in Smithfield. So I picked up some balloons, and took the girls to Ed Robinson's their bus driver who had a stroke during sacrament meeting) house to give him a card that all the bus kids had signed and the balloons. Then we raced back to dinner. Then home to do everyone's math homework.

Um...still no SM designing done.

Firehouse was yummy. I was worried that it would have too much fat and I would be sick but it wasn't the fat in the dinner, it was the yummy cinnamon/frosting/caramel pizza that did me in. I ate 3 pieces. WAY too much.

Setting Goals...

Today was day 1 of my journaling class. The students seem to be loving it. Phew! But it is a LOT of work!

I picked Natalie up after school to take a photo of her in front of the school for New Beginnings, picked Emily up from piano, got some groceries, and headed home.

By FHE time, I had had it. I took some headache medicine and took a break for a half an hour. Dave started FHE without me. I just needed to chill and rest and let the medicine take effect. Then I joined the family to set goals. This is our third year we've made posters with our goals for FHE. Each year we pull out our posters, talk about our successes and where we need to improve.

We usually pick one goal in each of four areas, but we have parts to each goal. Here's mine:

Cyber temptations

The Relief Society Lesson today was fascinating. Dude. It was on a talk by Elder Bednar about avoiding cyber dangers, which automatically has you think of pornography. But it was actually about virtual reality games. How virtual reality robs us of the experiences we need to have IN OUR BODIES and how Satan uses the addictive nature of electronics to distract us from what we should be doing.

I'd read the talk before. I remember the part about the 35ish year old man who had a character on second life that had "become" his life...six hours a day, 14 hours a day on weekends..."being" this character.

Well, I don't have that problem, but I do see that while there are wonderful things about the internet, I can easily waste a lot of time. And wasting time is not making a good choice.

I also enjoyed the class discussion afterwards. I mentioned that I think we all have ways we waste time, whether it's the internet, or "So You Think You Can Dance?" we all could improve our time.

And I remembered something. Emily had asked me just last night if she could have a FooPet. It's a virtual puppy she's adopted. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. I believe as a parent it is my job not to prevent her from doing things like this, but to teach her how to live in the world, but not become of the world. I'd like her to have a FooPet and decide for herself how to limit her time with her dog. Or that she really isn't that interested in it. Learning that lesson NOW as opposed to when she flunks out of college...is SO much better.

But Kelsie is kinda cute: (and no mess)

Choo - Choo

So by the time we went to bed last night, it was pretty late. And I slept in this morning...til 8:24. But I still had a LOT of work to do for my new class. So I quickly grabbed some breakfast and headed upstairs. A while into it, I could hear the Christmas train going and Dave talking to Marky. I grabbed my camera and headed downstairs.

Dave finally (on January 1st) had time to play with his train. The one his grandparents gave him when he was 10 or 11. The one I had refurbished for him last year for Christmas. He had Marky lying on the floor next to him and he was adding cars to the train.

He seemed kind of melancholy. We visited about his thoughts while I took a few pictures. He'd wondered if Marky was aware of the train as Mark seemed to be ignoring it. But his little arm shot out like a flash and grabbed the cars and ripped them off the track. So he could tell Mark was WELL aware of the train.

But even more interesting to me was his conversation. As I kept trying to get the engine, Dave, and Mark in the shot, Dave keep saying "choo-choo" in almost a baby-talk voice. Then he confessed that he'd been thinking about playing trains with our little boy. And that he would call it a choo-choo.

I was shocked. Well, pleasantly surprised anyway. With all of our children I've been excited way before Dave gets excited (probably because I'm the pregnant one) -- "it just doesn't seem real until the baby is born"--but this time especially he's been hesitant about preparations or even imagining what it will be like. So it was such a nice change to see that he was dreaming of what will be.

Resolution kept...resolution broken

It's actually January 3rd. One of my new years resolutions was to keep a daily blog so I would be keeping a daily journal. Not off to such a great start, but here's to repentance:

Jan 1, 2010

I DID IT!!!! I managed to be so frustrated with Dave and NOT blow up at him. Seriously. One of our new years goals or resolutions is to have less contention. See...a year ago we agreed that we would host a teenager New Years Party for the next 6 or 7 years. WE...not me, WE. I knew I would need his help to supervise (and play with) all those boys. And I sure would like some help getting ready for the party also. So we did it. And when he didn't get home in time to help clean, in typical fashion, I blew up at him. Good thing he stayed.

Fast forward to this year. I'm expecting him home at about 6. But I asked him to be home at 4...which he did not agree to, but I figured if I said I wanted 4, I might get 6. I even asked him (when we left him at the office at about 2:30) if he had any other appointments for the day or if he was just trying to drum up business. The answer was number two. So imagine my surprise when he calls me at 5:30 and tells me he's on his way to Ogden (he's in Brigham City) chasing down the UPS guy. Um...HELLO! Party here at 7 pm that YOU are the chaperone!!!! My mind quickly did the time-math...he can still be home about 7 pm. It's going to by OK. But now he won't be here to do the dishes or help with any last minute preparations. Then the next thing out of his mouth..."so my ETA is 10 pm." WHAT????? That means I have all the teenagers to myself for 3 hours before he'll get there. And the kitchen and the dishes. Grrrr! About this time I realized I would not have a nurse until 10 pm. Now I have all the teenagers and Marky who'd actually been asleep since we got home.

I skipped the shower and spent that time cleaning up the kitchen and dinner. I was furious. And disappointed...except I wasn't my usual panicked self. I was stressed, but seriously what good would it do to complain? He wasn't going to come home. Sure he'd indicated without actually stating "I will be there" that he would, but none of that really mattered. He wasn't coming and nothing I could do would change that. I wasn't all OK with it or anything. I just said nothing. Then he perkily responded with "so I better get back to calling people...Bye!" and hung up.

So...what was the result? Well, we lived through it. It wasn't perfect. In fact it was pretty stressful. I was trying to be a hostess and get my previews done and my new product in the store all at the same time. Marky woke up and threw up and had diarrhea and needed a trach change. I raced downstairs and called for the girls for help. While we were all in Mark's room, a balloon fight ensued in the kitchen where apparently at least one person was defending herself from the balloon attack with kitchen knives. Seriously. Dave was needed to help with supervision. While I was getting Mark's trach changed and getting him cleaned up, one of the admins at SM shut off my new products because I didn't have them ready to go. But I got them fixed and she told me what to do to turn them back on. So I was working between helping the kids understand each little game of Buzz. Frequently I would walk downstairs just to see what was going on, then back up stairs and into the bonus room just to monitor everywhere all at once.

Dave got home at.......(you guessed it) 11:40. Just in time to help gather everyone for the countdown. And he did play some pool with the kids after midnight while we waited for all the parents to arrive. By 12:50 they were all gone home.

I didn't think he appreciated my not-get-upsetedness enough. He didn't think it was that big of a deal. So while I didn't blow up at him (definitely an improvement) I was still upset. Although I must admit as the night wore on and on and on without him, I thought to myself...really...is there any harm done by him not being here? No. As long as no one stabs anyone. LOL!

So why would he be so insenstive? 1) because he doesn't think it is insensitive. 2) because he procrastinates. It's true, he did make $1000 between 6 pm and midnight, but he could've made that money earlier, it just wasn't a high enough priority.

So I asked him to do something differently next Medicare season so that he can spend more of the holidays with us. (He got home on Christmas Eve at like 7:30) We'll see.