Clarkston

I got the girls up and out the door with my parents to church. Then I madly finished up my talk. I was just too tired last night to finish it coherently. Then a quick bath with/for Jacob and off the Clarkston we went. (The stake presidency asked the wives to speak with their high council husbands because it is February and the topic was Husbands and Wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for one another.)

Our talks went well. Dave really has some talent in that area and I'd worked hard on mine too. We sure got a lot of compliments. I thought I'd recognize a few folks, but I was surprised at how many people I knew.

When we got home the real work began. JT had Marky's arm immobilizers on and strapped together in front. I thought it was dreadful. Then I had to take care of Mark. He is Harry Houdini. Holy Cow! He did OK in the afternoon in his high chair, but once Dave left for the teacher fireside, he was a wild man. For two hours the girls and I wrestled with him. I even gave him a dose of benedryl a couple hours early. It worked! He went to sleep...for 10 minutes, then woke up more wired than ever. Oh My! I was exhausted and my back was hurting again. I'm pretty sure I completely understand the immobilizers strapped together and I think I'd've understood them strapped together and strapped to the crib walls.

Finally at 9:30 he fell asleep. He needs rest. And no more loritab. He keeps throwing up and his digestive system is having a hard time getting going again. Poor guy. Hopefully things will continue to improve. But I'm not looking forward to 12-4 (my shift). I just know it's going to be a lot of hard work.

BTW, he doesn't seem to be in pain, just annoyed. It must feel weird. He keeps shaking his head no every few minutes. Maybe his equilibrium is messed up too. And he claws at the dressing. I don't dare remove it because I'm afraid he'd claw at his ear as well. And that would NOT be good.

No school tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday, we'll see.

What a LONG ride home.

Jacob slept pretty well. I fed him at midnight and he woke again at 3. I could tell my back was hurting from all the sitting in uncomfortable chairs and I'd slept on it funny. I took some Bayer back and body and started feeding Jacob. But my back was still uncomfortable, so I laid down next to Jacob. Then I was in trouble. I couldn't move--it hurt too much! I called out to Dave and he took Jacob. I just laid gently on my back til 5:30 when I my alarm rang. By then the medicine had kicked in and I could move.

We made it to Marky's room by 7, but the resident had already been by, pulled the drains, and said he could go home...as long as Dr. Muntz agreed. We waited a couple of hours for Dr. Muntz to call him and OK it. Then getting packed up took forever. I know we got all that stuff in the car for the trip down, but wow!

Finally we were on our way home. I sat in the back between Jacob and Marky. Primarily to protect Jacob. But that meant Marky spent the time whacking me with the bead curtain and slapping my leg or whacking me in the head with his arm immobilizers. It felt like 3 hours before we were home. And Jacob was hungry. I could feed him, but I couldn't take him out and burp him or change him. So he would just get grunty and uncomfortable and I couldn't do anything about it.

I was so relieved to get home.

And I started working on my talk.

2 kids at the hospital

So I slept from 1am to 3am when Jacob wanted to be fed again. Then I napped for about 20 minutes before it was time to go. Dave packed everything. I sat in the back between Marky and Jacob's car seat. I would've slept on the way, but Dave hadn't slept at all, so I was worried he would fall asleep on the way down. I stayed awake and kept him talking.

Once we finally found the same day surgery center, we were treated like royalty...or lepers. They whisked us into our own waiting room. Dave was parking, I was carrying Jacob, pulling Marky and all the stuff in a wagon...all that I couldn't carry over my shoulder. Crazy!

It wasn't too long before Jacob was ready to eat. Dave and I passed him back and forth while we helped ready Marky for surgery...hold him while they did his IV...put on his gown&jammies...put a big X on his ear...etc.

Then they took Marky into the OR and we went to the waiting room...and waited...and waited...and waited...the surgery was scheduled to last 4.5 hours. But they thought it might be shorter. It wasn't. In fact it might have been longer. Jacob slept in the car seat next to me. Dave slept in the waiting room chair on my other side. I was supposed to be designing. But I was too stressed to design. Mostly I just chatted online.

Eventually they took us back to the recovery room. Marky was doing fine. Hurting some. They were giving him pain meds. He looked so cute: they had made a "ski mask" out of stockinette to cover his head so his dressings would stay on (and he couldn't get them off)

By late afternoon he was hurting again, so I asked them to get orders for more pain medication. They got some, but it took long enough that I put him on my lap in the rocking chair and rocked him. He settled down. So we did loritab rather than morphine. I'd been awake and sitting for so long I thought my behind would fall off.

They didn't plan to take care of him overnight. They planned on a nurse at the desk, but they expected us to actually take care of him. It took a while, but I insisted they bring someone in who would only be responsible for him. By 8 pm we finally left the hospital. We drove to Bountiful for a hotel we could afford, found some dinner at Village Inn and crashed in our room.

Juggling everything

I finished the "big picture" for Dave. (Where we need to spend our money.) Now he can do his part: what money we have to spend. And I was finished with work around 2pm. Oh, and the best part? We are official with both CUIC and Progressive. John sold the first two policies this week. Woo Hoo! Bad news: Teri with Bear River said no. Well, we'll just have to find other options.

I had camp meetings tonight. I managed to get tatertot casserole cooked and served before my meeting. It was another long one. I was home by 10 pm. I felt bad that I don't have the tie dye stuff done. Need to get on that right away. As usual Jacob just slept cuddled in my lap the whole time. Girls' camp is going to be awesome.

When I got home I got to start preparing for Marky's surgery. We are going to SLC to stay over while Mark stays over at the hospital. I had to make arrangements for Natalie to work on an extra credit project at the theater, and work out a ride for Emily to ward ski night. While washing a couple batches of clothes, I helped Nat with homework, then fed Jacob at midnight. Then sent my newsletter and packed my suitcase and crawled into bed about 1am.

Emily's SEOP

I raced around this morning to get out the door in time for Emily's SEOP. And I'm not sure why. It was the usual "you have lots of options for careers...there are lots of opportunities for you..."

I thought she was registering for 8th grade. Seriously. Waste of time. She registers TOMORROW. But I can come back if I like?

Jakey was great during the meeting. He started squeaking a little, so I took him out of the seat to cuddle with him. He loves to be held.

And it made me late for work.

I've been finishing up work almost on time this week. It's nice to be done by 1 or 2. Makes me feel like I am doing a better job as a Mom.

Much ado about nothing

So late morning I got a call from A Act of Love. Isaac would be calling instead of coming. LOL! All that work...and stress...for nothing. But what a relief!

The kids didn't come to the office today. We were supposed to hurry home and clean our rooms. Which is what they did. THEN I told them he wasn't coming.

I was paranoid about his call. For no reason. It only took 5 minutes. Max. He just asked about what kind of formula, how much, how long he sleeps, what the kids think of him, just the usual. I told him I was afraid they'd take him away. That I'm doing my very best and Jakey is doing great. He laughed at me. And that was it. He says he only has to come once and he'll do that in March. Phew!

Getting ready for Isaac

No school means I have a very ambitious list. So does Dave. But the highest priority is getting ready for Isaac to come for our first home visit since getting Jacob. They have to make 3 home visits. Dave and the girls worked on cleaning and getting all of Emily's old toys put away. I went shopping for necessities and to lunch for Katie's birthday. We had a good time visiting. I know Anne is not family, but she might as well be. Lunch was good. Karen held Jacob the entire time. I know Mom will be happy when she goes home so Mom can have a turn.

Katie had at least one kid throwing up, so I didn't want my kids to play with hers. I'm so obnoxious. So I went to Mom's for singing practice(singing in Karen's ward in March), but sent my kids home. Near the end of our singing practice. Kasey ambled into the kitchen and barfed. Twice. Katie went home. So did I.

And we cleaned.

Jesus Christ is our chosen Savior

Nice title, but the lesson was actually mostly on the grand council in heaven, how Christ was chosen, and how Satan continues to battle.

I was not prepared early enough. Last night after dinner I "made" my posters (digital) while we finished off our evening at Mom & Dad's with the kids in tow.

As my lesson began, I was wondering what I was going to say next and how I was going to make it last long enough. It went OK, but I'd rather be more prepared next time.

Jacob was good during church. Mom and Emily traded off holding him. I don't know how we got confused...no wait...yes I do. Mom said something to Emily, but since Emily doesn't read lips, she thought Mom said give ME (as in Mom) back the baby. So Emily had Mom hold him during a chunk of sacrament meeting. We were passing him all over. Good thing he's nice and quiet.

I fed him during Sunday School. Fed him and slept. I was so tired that I fell asleep in the nursing mother's room.

Emily brought in my sword. I didn't tie it in as much as I've liked, but we did spend a large chunk of time talking about how Satan continues the war in Heaven and what to do about it.

I nice afternoon nap with Jacob on my chest again. Then since it was our turn for dinner, things got a little crazy. Marky spiked a fever AGAIN. And with surgery coming up this week, I wasn't comfortable ignoring it. So after dinner we went to the OR. Dave tells the lady Mark has an ear infection. Dude. I tell him to go ahead and sit down and I'll handle it:

He has been spiking fevers and his breathing is a little labored. (If you want to be seen in an OR, you better have chest pains or trouble breathing) She said "trouble breathing?". I said "Well, not too much or I wouldn't be patiently sitting here talking to you, but it's not normal." They whisked us back, ran some tests, and decided there was nothing wrong. Well, not nothing, but it must be viral.

Good thing there is no school tomorrow.

Happy Valentines Day

I worked on laundry and digi stuff all day today...that and cuddling with my little man. I love to fall asleep in the recliner with him resting on my chest. He sleeps so well that way. Maybe 'cuz he can hear my heartbeat. I don't know, but it is our favorite way to spend the afternoon.

We took Jacob to the family adults-only Valentine dinner, of course. Karen held him most of the night. He's so cuddly. Dinner was ok. just ok. And for $30 a plate, it should be fabulous. I mean it was nice...very fancy food. Just don't make a sculpture out of my salmon and potatoes. I don't need shredded beet curls poking out everywhere. and a sesame seed cracker spear. I'm pretty sure the salmon was dead. I even ordered a dessert. A pumpkin cheesecake. It was good. My favorite part was the toffee. LOL! I'm so adverse to chocolate now, that I used my knife to shave off the chocolate and then devoured the toffee. Yum!

Showing off

We had an adults only dinner tonight with some friends from town. I'd said yes. And I know these people. But I was dreading going. Besides, Dave was late, so I had to go alone. (I could've gone late, but since I had the appetizer...)

People asked a lot of questions about Jacob. I think I've told the story a bazillion times. Mom was young. We weren't the first choice. Got him when he was 5 days old. Brought him home on day 8....naming him Jacob.

I'd fed him right before we left (or maybe Natalie fed him while I got ready), but we were only there for a few minutes when he had a little spit up. So I changed his clothes. The rest of the night he just cuddled in my arms and slept. It was perfect.

And we stayed a long time...relatively. I think 'til about 10:30 we were enjoying visiting with the Newtons, the Radmalls, the Spackmans, and the Adams

Easy Baby

I gave up creating a new product this week. I just couldn't get it done in time to be practical. So I did a "make your own sale" sale instead. Sent out my newsletter tonight. SO happy I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

Jacob is so easy to tend at work...well all the time. He just eats and sleeps. But he loves to cuddle. The doctor said he'd be swollen and grumpy today, but I couldn't tell. He seemed fine to me.

SO nice not to have to cart around oxygen and the sat monitor. After 2 days of not needing it, Doctor O'dell said I could return it all and not use it anymore. Woo Hoo! I took it back yesterday as soon as we left the appointment.

Long day...

I had to be at the doctor's office at 7:45 this morning for Jacob's circumcision. I had a hard time with it..I mean I'm not really sure why we were doing it. But we did it. They said he was an angel. Didn't wiggle or cry.

He was a little fussy in the office afterwards, but not bad. And I had a good excuse for cuddling with him all day.

Which was good. I was SO tired. For some reason last night he decided he needed to eat every 2 hours. So I went to bed after the 11pm feeding, but then I was up at 1 and 3 and 5 where I had to stay up to be out the door on time.

The girls went to visit their secret grandmothers for YW tonight. Which meant that we had to load up EVERYONE for me to take them at 5:30. Then I got home. Unloaded Mark for the nurse and Jacob. Noticed Emily's letter to her grandmother. Loaded Jacob BACK in the car to take it to her. By the time I got home, I was too tired to do anything but sit and enjoy him.

I didn't know you were expecting...

What do you say to that? It's easier if they say "I didn't know you were pregnant." Cuz I can say, I wasn't. But I was expecting...expecting someone else to have our baby.

We started the new Tues/Thurs-too-much-work-to-do plan today. On Tues and Thurs when there is too much work for me to go home at the regular time (to be home when the kids get there) they get off the bus near the office, pick Mark up from school, and we all go home together. They even have desks in the kid-room at the office.

It wasn't too bad. We were only there for about an hour. Then we ran errands. I bought them popcorn chicken and dropped them off at home. Changed my clothes and went back to Logan for the final night of marriage enrichment seminar. We sat next to the Maughans from Cornish where Sister Maughan said, "I didn't know you were expecting."

He's such a cutie. He was pretty quiet during dinner, but he wanted to eat during the speaker. Then I stood in the back and burped him. LOVE having him.

Memorable FHE

We will remember this one for a while to come! We invited a non-member from Newton to join us.

1. She showed up early...15 minutes early. We weren't done with dinner and Dave wasn't home yet. So...she ate dinner with us. It was just boring homemade spaghetti. I spent "dinner time" feeding the baby in the rocking chair.

2. We all went up to the theater room to watch Finding Faith in Christ. I like that movie, but it was a little awkward. Dave was shuffling people so she didn't end up next to him on the love seat. So Natalie sat next to her on the rumble love seat (the one that shakes when the movie is noisy). Phew. Lived through that hour.

3. Then it was time for activity. She wanted to play guitars with Dave. 'cept she's pretty good and Dave's pretty rusty. We sang lots of things. She knew a lot of "gospel" songs...just not ones that we sing at our church. We were trying, but the girls and I were pretty uncomfortable.

4. It took forever for her to go home. Eventually during the singing I told Natalie to serve refreshments. She kept on playing, hoping Dave would join in. Then the girls got out their homework and worked on it in the middle of the floor. She was still playing. When it was time for the girls to go to bed. Seriously. Like 10 pm. She finally left.

At least I have reasons why I can say NO (I mean no, thank you) next time Dave suggests it.

I was glad I had a cuddly little one to hide behind all night. Jacob didn't need oxygen all day today, but I left the dots on his face.

A three ring circus

We did it! We made it on time. We actually left the driveway at 8:30 and when we walked into the chapel, there were only 2 other people there. It took us a few minutes to get settled, but we avoided being a circus walking in. And we made up for it later.

LaRene Chambers came down from practicing the organ and made some comments about the "fake" baby Natalie had for Teen Living. Nope, that's our new baby. "It's real!" she squealed. LOL! Several people who'd heard the news stopped by for a minute on their way to their seats to admire him. Mom was probably busiest answering THE question: "Who's baby does Rachelle have?" The Bishop announced it, so once the meeting started everyone was pretty clear.

So Jacob was hungry at 8:30. I fed him first thing, while Emily held Mark who was crying. Then I handed Jacob to Natalie, switched seats with Emily and cuddled Mark on my lap. He made it to the end of the sacrament, then he'd had enough cuddling. He wanted to PLAY. I hurried to bear my testimony, I didn't want to chicken out. So I passed Mark to Emily. Pretty soon he needed to be suctioned. So I helped him walk out and Emily followed me with the suction machine. Then we went right back in. Nat wanted to bear her testimony, so Emily's turn for Jacob. When she came back, Nat and Em traded places so she could help with Marky. I twisted my back trying to keep him quiet, so I sent Nat out with Mark and the keys. She was going to walk him for a while and maybe get some lotion from the car to entertain him. Jacob got a little noisy, so Emily handed him back to me. Then Natalie returned with Marky. SEE? We were a circus.

Lots of well-wishers after the meeting. Emily took Marky to primary and I gathered up stuff and visited before heading to Sunday School. THE new question is "Was this a surprise?"

Jacob was a little fussy at the end of Sunday School so I headed off to change his diaper and fill his bottle.

Then I fed him again at the beginning of relief society, but he only ate half a bottle. Then he coo'd and grunted and just made noise all the way through the meeting. I was so exhausted I nearly feel asleep.

Anne came to see us after church. She and Megan brought a cute little outfit and a diaper holder.

I had high hopes of getting some scrapping done for Cory and some organizational charts done in the afternoon, but I opted for a nap instead. Not a real one, just the kind where Jacob falls asleep on my chest and I put the recliner back and join him.

Between high council responsibilities and the weekly "Cleon" meeting, it felt like I went to Mom & Dad's alone. I hardly saw Dave...maybe 2 minutes is all. Both Kristi and Anthony brought their families to see the baby. They had lots of questions. Mostly how did you get a white baby? and does it really cost THAT much? By the time we got home at 9:30 I was exhausted and discouraged. I don't really want to face tomorrow, and the next day isn't any better. I want another Saturday. LOL!

Hurray for Saturdays!!!

Hurray for Saturdays!!! My goals for the day were to get the bread mixes made, the laundry finished, my design work done, and a menu and job charts done. I got the bread mixes made. And quite a bit of laundry done. But not the other stuff. I let Emily give Jacob his bath…with a lot of help. And both girls got to dress him today. And I got caught up on my daily blog. Little man was doing great…no oxygen needed, til early evening. I’m wondering about his positioning. Emily had him on her lap and in a pillow while she read. But when I took him, he did fine. Then I put him on a pillow in my chair so I could work, and he needed it again. Hmmmmm…. I keep asking everyone to do everything I can to make it to church on time tomorrow.

Wish all days were this relaxed

Got to stay home today! Gave Jacob his first bath…took off the dots. Cleaned the messy counter spot while he napped. When Katie was finished with cleaning, I worked on laundry, made the bed. Got stuff done. It felt SO GOOD! By afternoon Jacob needed oxygen again. And he threw up twice. By nightfall I was really worried. He needed more oxygen today than yesterday and I don’t think I’m getting enough food in him. I’m afraid he won’t have gained weight when I take him to his appointment next week. I’m afraid because he still needs more oxygen. I’m afraid they’ll take him away. I asked Dave to give me a blessing. (he said tomorrow). We watched a movie and crashed. Jacob usually starts the night sleeping in his bed, but he tends to get cold and I tend to get tired. I can keep him warm, and slightly upright(so he doesn’t throw-up) and pay attention when he is in my arms. I do wake up every time he grunts or coos. Not sleeping well. Some nights he eats every two hours, but only 1.5 ounces. Other nights he takes in the whole 2 and a little more and sleeps longer. We are still trying to find a routine. Both of the girls got to change his diaper today. Oh, and they “babysitted” while Dave and I had a “date” in our room. We came out at 10 to find him sound asleep in Emily’s lap.

FOUR hour meeting?

Got to work at 9:30. Not too bad. And I had everything with me. I managed to get the profit and loss done for America First and a deposit. I left about 1:30 to run errands briefly. I spent most of the errand time picking out an album for Cori. I hope she likes it. I hope it works. I got a rub-on for the cover. They only had one, but the rest are on sale next week. Hope I get them so I can send them soon.

I made it to Natalie’s SEOP on time. Woo Hoo! I was home for about an hour. I spent it curled up in a chair feeding and cuddling with my little man. Then I headed off to a girls’ camp meeting. It was great…except for the fact it lasted from 5:30 ‘til 9:45. It was 3 consecutive meetings, but still! Jacob was SO good. He seemed hungry when we first got there, so I fed him, then he stayed curled up on my chest for the whole rest of the meeting. No oxygen needed.

This is not as easy as I remember...

So the plan for the day was for me to take Jacob into work, to work a little late, then run a couple of errands, then Jacob’s Dr. appt at 4:30, then home, take the girls to YW, and home for the evening. Yea right.

I got to work at 11. That’s right , 11. It took me forever. I didn’t even have a diaper bag packed for him. I hadn’t even thought of what to put in one. And I wasn’t showered or anything. Overnight I’d washed my clothes, but I was really tired and not thinking too straight. Since I was going to be gone so long, I wanted enough oxygen and enough blankets and enough…and I didn’t know how much was enough. Besides, I wanted to get the tape off his face and get the dots on. Even with adhesive remover, it took a while to get his face cleaned up and get a sponge bath and get the dots on and the tubing back on.

Good news was he wasn’t needing the oxygen all night or all morning. But in the afternoon at the office he needed some.

Errands took forever, and I didn’t get a couple of them done. The doctor’s appointment went well. Dr. O’dell said to shut the oxygen off unless he needs it. I had to stop and feed Jacob before we could load up to go home. Afterwards I took Dave Morrill the checks I was supposed to get done before the doc appt. I got to show Jacob off to him and his wife. They wrote one of our letters of recommendation. Then since I couldn’t be home before the girls left for YW, I decided to take Jacob to see the Whites. Mom White was SO excited. And she held him for two hours before I could get out of there. Then a quick stop at Walmart for a baby monitor and a few other things. But by then Jacob was hungry again. I pulled into the Kohl’s parking lot and stopped and fed him again. Then went home.

Nat had geometry homework. I sent her to get help from Grandpa. I was too tired.

But determined to get to work on time the next morning.

HOME at last!!!!

I am exhausted, but so relieved to be home. You know. I haven’t cried yet. Then this morning happened. I fed Jacob at like 5:45-ish, and put him down so I could sleep ‘til 7, but about 6:45 he threw up. He was part-way on his side, and I heard him do it. (I’ve suddenly become a very light sleeper.) so I jumped up right away. And stared working on cleaning him up. He wasn’t happy and started crying as I took off his clothes. I thought I heard what sounded like a stuffy nose, and I briefly thought of bulb syringing him, but I figured he was upset about being naked and cold. I quickly got a warm tub of water and a wash cloth and worked on washing him off, but he was getting more and more upset. I picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket and snuggled him close, but I could not console him. I tried changing his diaper…in the middle of that, his alarms started going off. He was sat-ing fine, but his heart rate was over 200 and staying that way. I wondered if his probe was reading right, 207…211…217. He would scream for a few seconds, then go still for a few seconds, then scream again. I was pretty sure he couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t find a bulb syringe, so I unplugged him and raced him down to the nursery. He screamed the whole way, so there was a nurse standing there who punched the code and let me in. The two nursery nurses (it was report time) looked at me like “why are you here right now?” I said, “I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I need help.” Besides, Jacob was upset, and he isn’t usually upset. I lost it. Through tears I told them I couldn’t find a bulb syringe. One nurse immediately got one and suctioned his nose and mouth, but he still kept doing the same thing. We could all tell he was screaming then he’d apnea. The other nurse suggested some saline and making SURE his nostrils were clean, since babies are nose breathers. I was still crying. I was afraid they’d take him away from me. I was afraid he’d have to stay longer. I was afraid that he had something really wrong with him. She salined him and suctioned a big chunk of gunk out of each side. Then he took a deep breath…through his nose. And calmed right down. They put the bulb syringe in his basinet and sent me back to my room. I took him in (he was still naked—diaper and blanket only) I scooped him up, held him tight and sobbed for half and hour. I am VERY attached to my little boy.

Eventually he started to stir and root around. So I dressed him and fed him and held him. Then I put him in the basinet and cleaned and packed the room. And got ready to leave. He was supposed to get his last dose of amox at 10, but they were going to do it at 9 so we could leave. But the doctor hadn’t shown up. She arrived at 9 just as I was taking him to the nursery.

She said everything was looking great. Chest x-ray was clear. Numbers were looking good. She wondered if he even needed the O’s. As if on cue, his sats dropped to 87 and stayed there…and the oxygen was ON. She turned it up and decided he needed it. I told her about the spitting up/plugged nose issue and she was OK with it. She asked me if I was still comfortable taking him home. “I just charted that he can go home, are you still OK with that?” … um…YES!!!!!!

Then she said because he’d failed the car seat test, we needed to go buy a head/neck support and repeat the test…for 2.5 hours. So we are NOT leaving at 9:30. I described what we needed to Dave, who’d headed to the nearest department store. Within a half hour he was back with one. Not my favorite model, but at least we had one. Then the self proclaimed OCD nurse said 2.5 hours. I thought I was going to lose it. I asked her…not so nicely…how long it took her to get to Preston (she said she had family there earlier in the week) Dave calmed me down and quietly said to give him a chance to charm her. And charm her he did! Within 10 minutes the two of them were laughing and reminiscing like old friends. They talked for over an hour about everything. Then they came out and she sat down with us and asked us if we had questions about anything. We talked about bathing and umbilical cords and blankets at night and pacifiers. Finally Dave asked if he could go take a nap. So I carefully suggested we let the agency know what time to arrive. She said 1pm (yes, the full 2.5 hours) Dave said he needed to be in Newton by 3. So she said, how about noon? (only 2 hours) then she’d do paperwork with the agency while I fed him.

As I dressed him my eyes were filling with tears. I could tell that I was going to cry half way home. I asked for a box of tissues for the road. I had to keep telling myself to BREATHE as we walked to the car.

Kathy (the nurse) set his car seat on the back seat, but she let me fasten it and didn’t even check it. Dude. Dave can work magic. Angie (agency) gave me one last hug. And they shut the door. Dave crawled in and the tears fell. For the second time I sobbed for a half an hour.

Jacob did excellent on the way home—no desats. Around 2 the girls started texting “where are you?”, we pulled up about 3. Emily was already home and she patiently…not THAT patiently waited for me to take him out of the car seat and hand him over to her. She cuddled with him for 10 or so minutes til Nat got home and took a turn.

When Marky got home he was so excited. I could claim he was excited to see me, but in retrospect, I’m not sure that was it. I walked him to the chair so he could hold Jacob. I sat him in my lap and held his arms while Natalie put Jacob in his arms. He was just mesmerized…and excited. His one arm slipped out of my hand and I caught him as he was going to grab his head. I helped him softly stroke Jacob’s head. Meanwhile Emily was snapping photos.

Then a funny thing happened. I took Jake with my right hand and Mark with my left, for Nat to take Marky, but their tubes were tangled. LOL! So Nat and I passed the boys back and forth untangling Marky’s feeding pump and tubing from Jacob’s sat monitor and oxygen tubing. For some reason it was very silly to us.

It keeps hitting me. I’m busy straightening the kitchen thinking about getting dinner and coordinating timing with feeding Jacob and I suddenly realize I have a baby. And tears well up.

Tonight Grandma Nola (my grandma) and Mom and Dad and Aunt LuAnn and Uncle Martin came to visit. So did Katie and her kids. Her boys washed their hands, but all they did was look at him. Everyone else held him. Grandma asked a few times what his name was. We visited and they asked details about the adoption. Dave had called everyone (since they all said they wanted to come) and suggested they come after dinner about 7pm, and that they leave by 8:30 since I was so tired. It worked perfectly.

Now scriptures with Emily, feed Jacob and get to bed. 1am will come all too soon.

I can't believe he's mine!

Actually when the floor supervisor got here at 6:30ish this am, she was so apologetic that she hadn’t already given me a room, that she did so right away. Apparently they called and asked her if I could have a room. There was a misunderstanding as to who I was…and she said no. But I crawled in a nice hot shower by 7am and it felt SO GOOD.

BUT…I had to wait ‘til 9 for the doctor to give clearance for him to move to the room. We got everything planned for getting to go home tomorrow. Then we started jumping through hoops. Officially Jacob is not on our insurance until he’s officially ours, but then it’s retro-active to his birth. So he has no insurance, but we need medical equipment. He’s going home on oxygen: he still needs just a smidge of it when he is in a deep sleep. For a couple of weeks or maybe a month. So because of Medicaid, IHC can’t do the oxygen & pulse oximeter. But when it goes retroactive, then it HAS to be IHC. Finally we just had them put self pay on the bill to give us a couple of weeks to get it all straightened out. (and meet the deductible) Phew!

So about noon the med supply guy finally brought the pulse ox. Then I got him hooked up and we could head down to our room!

And I learned a few things: The day nurse is obsessive about only letting me feed him. I finally think I know why. Cori’s full name is on his ankle band. She believes I’m not allowed to know her full name. So I talked it over with Angie from Act of Love. Angie said Cori is not allowed to know OUR full names, but we can know hers. So, for the record, her full name is Cori Ann Taylor. I want to keep that somewhere, but I don’t want to give it to Jacob ‘til I think he’s ready. Don’t need some 11 year old facebooking his mom. LOL! No serious. So I saw it on the ankle band. But it’s also on the medical forms and it’s not blacked out very well. Angie knows that I know. She said she’d tell me.

OK, so Marky’s appt at Primary’s went well. Yes he has scoliosis. But it’s not very bad and now we’ll keep an eye on it. Then Dave raced down to the adoption agency to sign all the paperwork!!!!! Then they brought the paperwork straight to me to sign (it had to be notarized, so the notary had to bring it) I signed and initialed forever, but he’s officially ours…well, we are his official foster parents for the next 6 months, and THEN we can make it final. But everything is all signed and ready for tomorrow morning.

And we had a car seat snafu. Dave didn’t bring it yet, (why would he, with Marky and stuff in the car)but it turns out that Jacob has to pass a car seat challenge. He has to spend 2 hours in the car seat to prove he has the stamina to ride all the way home. I decided they can do that one between feedings in the middle of the night when I wouldn’t be holding him anyway.

I still can’t believe he is mine, but it is sinking in. I keep singing Julie through the glass to him…cept I sing “Jakey through the glass…just born a day ago…you’ve just got to be…the sweetest thing I’ll ever see. We…want you…to learn…to love yourself…because that’s where loving really starts…

Oh, and I decided to teach him that he is a child of God today. So we sang the first verse over and over and over. He was very alert and attentive after his 3pm feeding. Took him ‘til 4:30 before he fell back asleep. He just looks around and watches me. I need to get a mobile…or at least some hanging toys.

Karen is coming to visit tonight. Hmmm….should I let her feed him? Maybe not. He’s kinda hard. I’ve been learning how for like…2 days now. LOL!

Karen and I watched Cake Boss and Cake off and mostly just vegged for 3 hours. It helped the time to pass. Life is cake (no pun intended) I have to feed him then hold him for 2 hours…then feed him again. They do all the checks and changes. But I’m still looking forward to tomorrow.

PS. He did the car seat test at 11pm. Failed it. His head falls to the side and his sats drop. The nurse said we can put a rolled towel around his head and he’ll be fine.

An intimidating phone call...

I woke to my alarm at 12, 3, and 6, each time tiptoeing down the hall and into the nursery. Jacob wakes up as I move him around to change his diaper. He wolfs down the first half of the bottle, then after a big burp or two, I coax him to eat the second half. Sometimes good, sometimes not. Mostly he is eating 1.5 ounces per feeding.

Today the nurse is a stickler for the rules. So I’m not pushing it. Just sitting her getting caught up on blogging while Jakey sleeps. I’m still a little tired, so I may end up falling asleep in this rocking chair myself…unless that upsets the nurse.

The doctor came in around noon. She said he’s doing well. She commented that he is either sleeping comfortably or looking around contentedly whenever she’s checked on him. She said other than rapid breathing and a chest x-ray with a clear pneumonia on it, he doesn’t act sick at all. She said she’d like to try weaning him again, but she isn’t worried about him going home on oxygen. She made arrangements –well, told the nurse to make arrangements for us to “room in” with him for 24 hours before we take him home. So in theory, I’ll get to take him to our room Monday morning. It’ll be nice to have a room and nice to have him there with me. But even nicer the next day when we can go home!!!

We talked a little about the meth in his stool sample. She says all it indicates is that Cori used a methamphetamine at some point during the pregnancy. It doesn’t say what kind or when. She said it’s an insult to a growing brain, same as antidepressants are when a PG mom takes them during pregnancy. She said the answer she got from the “expert” was that we really don’t know how it will affect him and that the environment he grows up in can make a big difference.

Then the agency called to see if it would be okay if Cori and her dad talked with me on the phone. Scary! How do you say thank you for giving me your baby? I just wanted to cry. Both Cori and her dad (remember her mom’s name is Kim and her Dad is Todd and her brother is Cameron – CJ) were on the phone. The agency social worker was wonderful. She led the discussion, asked Cori if she had any questions for me. None. Then she asked me to tell Cori how Jacob was doing – and that we named him Jacob. Todd wanted to tell me how wonderful Cori is. The social worker asked me to tell them what kinds of things we like to do as a family. I talked about games, told them Dave played basketball in college, so we have a hoop in our driveway. We play games, do outdoor things as well as indoor games including PS2, guitar hero. Todd said Jacob will fit right in. Their family snow skis in the winter and water skis in the summer. They asked if they could send more “normal” pics of Cori (the Dad kept ranting and raving about what a wonderful girl she is) I said YES, of course. I explained I am not allowed to take pictures here, but I’ll get some sent as soon as he gets home. I asked if she would like it if I sent 2 copies, one for her mom. Cori said her Mom would love that. Todd talked about how he wasn’t sure how he’d handle having a grandson that wasn’t part of his everyday life, but that he just had a peaceful feeling and knew that Jakey has a wonderful family. As I’m writing this, I realize what an answer to prayers that is. We’ve prayed that Jakey’s birth parents (and I guess that includes birth grandparents) would feel at peace with their decision. It was a very nice phone call. Not scary at all. I told them how wonderful he is . And thanked them and promised to send photos. I also told them if they wanted to call again, to go ahead. I’d be happy to talk again if they wanted to.

It’s about 4 pm and the get up over and over again is getting to me. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. In theory we’ll get a room at about 9 am and I can feed him and sleep and feed him and sleep…in a bed. Phew!

Mom, Dad, & Karen came at about 8. They stayed for about a half an hour. Mom held him first. She commented on how much he looks like Marky. It’s the recessed chin. And we talked about how he fits our family. Then Dad held him. Then Aunt Karen, then Grandma once more. I updated them on how he was doing and they told me how Blanding was. It was fun to see them. When I fed Mark at 9, he didn’t go to sleep. I couldn’t leave him awake, so I ended up staying ‘til nearly 11 when he finally went to sleep. This time the nurse called me when he was hungry. But because his schedule was off, I slept from 11 til 2, then fed him then again til 5, then fed him, cleaned up my room so the nurse could put the cot and any signs of my presence away before she left, and I was up for the day.

On the way to Blanding...

I got up early to make sure I was packed and ready to go. I had to wash and dry some clothes also. AND I wanted to get some things done for Chelle’s Creations so I’d have something to do all the way down in the car. I barely made it. But I had a few extras in my suitcase and while I shouldn’t need to re-wash my hair, I put enough stuff in to be able to get ready from scratch.

I was cruising along extracting stitches – LOVE how they are turning out—when I got a call from Kathy, the founder of A Act of Love (the adoption agency). Turns out the family that Cori picked, changed their mind about the baby, did we want it? Dave and 2 other agency people were on the line. Dave had been talking to them for a while when I they called me. He said from the time they called he’d been bawling like a baby. They explained that the baby had pneumonia and was still in the hospital on antibiotics—7 days—but we could go see him as soon as we wanted.

We were in Bountiful. So Mom and Dad took a detour and dropped me at the front entrance to SLC regional medical center. I carted my luggage through the hallways to the nursery window. I could only see a little girl inside. But half of the blinds were closed. As I paced the hallway, I wondered where he could be. Across the room (if I peeked in the little window in the door) I could see a tiny bundle wiggling from time to time.

Finally (it was probably 3 minutes) a guy asked me if I was Rachelle. (it was Kathy’s husband). A few minutes later I was supposed to hand the nursery nurse my driver’s license. I was so nervous I dropped my phone and nearly dropped my wallet. I was not shaking so much as just weak. We visited for what seemed like forever, before I got to wander over to his bed.

When I first saw his soft little head, the overwhelming thought was “he’s so tiny!”

He’s adorable. He has a little bit of brown, almost frosted hair—just like Marky and Emily. He has Natalie’s nose. And our family’s chin. Everyone comments on how much he looks like us. LOL! He’d just been fed, but I got to just sit in the rocking chair and hold him.

The agency ladies took a picture of us and texted it to Cori and her Mom. Cori’s mom was way excited! She said “now that looks like a real mom.” Apparently Cori had been very upset about leaving her baby with no parents (she knew the others had changed their minds) Once Cori got off the plane and saw the pics, her Mom texted again “Cori is very happy and that is what matters most.” “Tell that Mom and Dad how grateful we are.” We had her text back how eternally grateful we are for that wonderful gift they gave us.

I fed Jacob once before Dave and the kids arrived. He got the hiccups in the middle and had his eyes wide open for quite a while. When I would get close to him talking to him, he’d turn to me and open his eyes. I think he might be learning my voice.

They put the crib together before they came. LOL! I didn’t think they’d get in. There are signs everywhere that say no one under 14 admitted inside the hospital. But there they were pressing their noses to the glass. After introducing Jacob to his daddy, I went out with the kids for a while. Then Dave took them to dinner (and brought me back some) while I fed Jacob again. We all went out in the hall to eat dinner together. Then Dave and I went in to tell Jacob goodnight—well, he was telling him goodnight, I was staying. Then they nurse surprised us all and let the girls come in. They each got to hold him for about 2 minutes. They were thrilled! It was very neat. The nurses had watched how they cared for Marky in the hallway and waited for us. They were rewarded accordingly. Also the nurse made a cot for me in an empty teaching room so I had a place to sleep.

Before the 9pm feeding, we gave Jacob a bath. He has an IV, so we couldn’t get that leg wet. The nurse held that leg out of the water while I bathed him. He screamed through the whole thing. Part of the purpose of the bath was that he has a VERY sore bottom from the medicines. So we wanted to soak it. He was so upset, that we fed him in the tub to help him calm down. He sucks so hard for the first minute or so, almost forgetting to swallow. Then he calms right down. It’s a little hard to get the last half of the formula in him. He isn’t an easy burper, it takes some time, but he does have big burps. We put him under the warmer, and put jammies on him, then fed him the other half of the bottle. Then once he was settled. (He’s always asleep when he finishes eating.) I went off to bed.

A new job?

Because I was home with the flu on Wednesday, and I didn’t get all my work done, I went in to the office again today. Didn’t help much. Dave had another full day’s work for me. I got SOME things done. Some account review info. Completed two applications for Dave. Sorted through 181 emails. Near the end of the day I was tired and having a difficult time staying on task. I didn’t get home ‘til 4, but I probably could’ve made that 3 if I’d been paying attention. I was distracted. Tom called and offered me a job. Not a job I’d LIKE, but a job paying $40/hour, 20 hours/week for the next 3 months. A LOT of money. Working from a computer. Hours are flexible, but you must be available for conference calls, etc. He says I’m capable, I probably could do it, but WHEN am I going to fit that in.

So I spent the afternoon figuring out how/if it was possible. Several ideas came to my mind about being more organized. Especially the scripture: “…house of order…” I realized I have been falling down in this area.

Went to the temple with Mom and Dad. Dave said he wanted to go to the temple before we decide about Tom’s job. And he wanted to go for our date, so we went. The temple was PACKED. Both waiting rooms were full. We waited over 30 minutes for a session, then again before we could move for the final part. That drove Mom crazy. Me, not so much. I’m getting used to just relaxing when you can’t change anything. I was mostly thinking about the job. Is it a blessing from Heavenly Father to help us earn the money for a baby? Or is it a distraction from Satan, helping me to ignore my kids. Not very far into the session, I knew I needed to say no. I was bummed and questioned/rejected it at first, but it was pretty clear: “say no.”

Last time I went to the temple (right before Christmas), I was pondering the adoption when I felt the Kiersti came and said “he’s coming” in an excited way. That didn’t mean tomorrow, but it was very comforting. This time I was pleading, “ Kiersti, where are you? I’m confused. What do I need to do to prepare?” I don’t know that I felt HER as strongly this time, but I did have a good feeling that everything would be OK.

After the temple we ate dinner at Angie’s with Mom and Dad. They ran out of salmon right before us, so we ended up with other things. It was good, but Mom was still stressed about the time. We leave tomorrow morning at 10 for Blanding. (Curtis, my indian placement uncle,'s son is leaving on a mission and we are going to the farewell...mom, dad, karen, and I)

P&C...finally!

I managed to get out the door on time today. Worked all morning---wait. Helped Uncle Cleon half of the morning. Worked the other half. At 1 Dave and I went to lunch with a wholesaler for P&C. We ate at Firehouse Pizzaria. I was quite uncomfortable. Not when Dave was there…well, a little when Dave was there. But mostly Dave left twice to take phone calls and I could think of nothing to say. We went back to the office for training. Mom even stayed. We all sat around John’s computer while a lady from the home office walked us through quoting someone. I was sure glad we have John. He understood all the little details and could explain them to us. Went to the back to open a new account: trust account for customers who want to pay us, then the insurance company will take the money out of the account. Home late. AGAIN. Oh, and up late cleaning for Katie to come tomorrow.

At least I didn't throw up...

Woke up feeling marginally better. Ate a little, but really pretty queasy all day long. However, since I was at home, I got to work on the kit all day. Good thing because I barely got it done in time. That new 8pm Wednesday deadline is going to be a little hard to get used to. I’m so glad the storytelling class is nearly over. It takes SO MUCH TIME! Took the girls to YW – Marky was asleep. But I asked them to find a ride home. Adoption agency called (late afternoon) to say that Cori had chosen another family. L

But she did say we were one of her top choices. When I told Dave, he said maybe we'll hear about this baby again. (it's only the second of 10 that we've said yes to). I said they'd call again soon. They always do.

This doesn't look good...

Went to work today. Busy, busy day. Christine sent parts of another kit for me to check out. (I’m her mentor) We’ve had lots of email conversations about whether she’ll make it or not. She could. But I don’t know if she wants to badly enough. So between QC-ing her stuff, trying out Happy’s new action for her, and trying to work for Dave, it was stressful. Forgot my lunch (I pack breakfast and lunch each day, so this also means no breakfast.) Natalie had a dermatology appointment in Ogden right after school. So between work and picking her up, I went home and got my lunch. And just for good measure I put the camera, car seat, and baby bag in the car. I’m not driving 1.5 hours towards SLC only to have them call and say come, so I have to drive home, then back again. What about Dave bringing it? Dave spent the day in Provo. I was so tired. Too tired for marriage class. Dave wasn’t going to make it back to “take” me, so he said I didn’t have to go. Woo Hoo! I went for groceries and got home around 6:30. Cut up the rotisserie chicken for the kids. Did not feel well. Mom called to say she’d thrown up twice. Grrr! Went to bed about 8pm as soon as tomorrow’s lesson was ready to post. Adoption agency did not call.

Hurray for PJ days!

Worked in my PJ’s all day today. Yea! A day off work that I didn’t have to go in anyway! Got lots done on the food4fans kit. Still not done-done, but made a ton of progress.

Tonight around 6-ish the adoption agency sent us another baby offer. 16 year old from Alaska. Having the baby right now in SLC. Gender unknown. Decide right away. Are we interested? We said yes. Prayed about it and sent it in.

Started on tomorrow’s freebie after reading scriptures with Emily at 11. Got to bed at 2am.

Oh, and Katie has the flu BAD today. Grrrr!

To go, or not to go...

So since Katie's kids were sick yesterday and she was "maybe" sick last night--too sick to practice--we debated going to Mom's tonight.

Katie (and her kids) were fine today. Hungry as ever. She made it by the end of sacrament meeting so we could practice ONCE before we sang. But it sounded lovely anyway.

The girls got their new personal progress books, so they spent the afternoon working on PP.

Busy, busy, busy...

I can't believe I made it to Saturday. Everyone slept in this morning. Technically so did I, but I was up with the laundry going and at the compy by 7:30.

Writing next week's lessons til 1pm...between laundry batches and with a singing practice squeezed in in the AM.

Extracting Food for Fans 'til date time at 6:30.

Zip into town to eat at Angies and back home by 8.

Play with felt while watching TV with the kids & Dave.

Over to Mom and Dad's to help hook up his new TV.

Home by 10:30. More felt 'til 11. Scriptures with Emily.

In bed by midnight.

Today was not my best day...

So I called the doctor yesterday to ask when Mark could go back to school, and he said today would be fine. But the nurse didn't know that, so she told the school nurse he'd be home for a few days. So he's home AGAIN with me because the school nurse went out of town since we didn't "need" her. ARG!!!!!!!!!

And we had to go to work! On Friday! My Mom wanted to go...well, she wanted to get caught up. I didn't care about getting caught up. I'm just too tired this week to care about anything. But I got ready to leave early so Marky and I could go to the store and get the fire extinguishers and house numbers and anything else we need to pass the fire re-inspection which was supposed to be completed by today. But I got to Smithfield Imp and called Dave to ask about the fire extinguishers and he decided he'd rather hunt for some crappy ones that he bought last summer. ARG!!!!

Then I'm checking out when Mom calls and says the garbage truck is nearby and I need to hurry and help get the garbage out. GRRRR! I HATE garbage. But I race over there and drag the garbage bins to the street (way on the other side of the building next door).

I'm freezing and cold. It's snowing. I can't find my coat. AND I'm hauling Marky and his crap into the office.

So apparently Dave had LOTS of work for us to do, 'cuz we barely finished by 1pm. Marky and I were headed to do the grocery shopping when Mom told me that we had a singing practice out in Trenton at 1:30. So I went home. Marky peed on me while I was carrying him into Mom's for the singing practice. Seriously. Not my best day...but wait...there's MORE...

So after the practice I left Marky with the girls and went shopping. Phew! Nice not to have to carry him. I got Marky's and my prescriptions filled and was headed to Walmart when Dave called to say I'd locked John out of my office. Grrr!

I think I got home about 5:30. The girls helped unload the groceries. Dave and I were going on a date at 6, but after my bad morning, I wanted a stay-home date. Plus with the weather (yes, another snow storm) I didn't think he'd be home in time. He promised 6:45 and I bought and cooked salmon. He called at about 7. He'd run off the road. Three miles from home. Swerving for a cat. I give up.

I went to bed at like 11:00. Didn't even put the sheets back on the bed (I'd also managed 4 batches of laundry today), just crawled in and pulled the covers up over my head.

More snow...

So Marky stayed home with his Dad to ride the lawnmower/snowplow while I went into work early. He was so bored at work. The room is nice and big. We have a space heater in there, but he's just bored playing with his toys on the floor all day.

Oh, for the 4th pay period in a row, our check was NOT auto deposited today. Driving me crazy! So I spent a chunk of time on the phone trying to track down money (there's a $1085 refund we are waiting on as well). And making one of the mortgage payments on the building. They messed up how the loan was set up, so it either doesn't send bills or it sends bills for the wrong amount. I got them to fax a letter with the correct amount (and confirmed it was now set up right).

Then Marky & I made the deposit, and went to pick up the mail at Dave's old office. The reimbursement check was there! So off to the copy center and back to the bank.

Home in time to get dinner in the oven and cooked. Then take the girls to YW/YM (skating at the ice center--group rate night).

Marky & I stopped at Mom and Dad's on the way home to have her color my hair. Woo Hoo! I don't have one inch of grey roots anymore! But I do need a cut. Gotta fit that in in the next week or so.

Thursday nights are my late nights (that and Mondays) I was falling asleep at 12:39 trying to get my newsletter sent out. Better luck in the AM.

Sick and afflicted...

Emily is sick today. Last night (during our class) apparently she felt like she'd throw up, so she went to bed early and without eating anything. But first she wrote me a letter asking if she could stay home and to please not wake her.

Besides that, Marky is home. No nurse available to take him to school. But that's not all...

So the culture in his ears grew...(imagine a bone chilling scream when you read this part)... MRSA. So yesterday they called to tell me that this morning they would be calling in prescriptions for it. And they did. But in the meantime, he developed either pink eye or conjuctivitis. So first I had to find out what the Rx's were (from the pharmacy) then call the pediatricians office and see if those would cure the conjuctivitis or if we needed a different med. She had to ask the doctor and get back to me. By the end of the day Dave brought home 3 new meds for all our ailments.

By late morning Emily was awake and starving. She's better now.

At bedtime the nurse asked if Marky would be going to school Thursday...with MRSA? I didn't think to ask the doctor, but since he has the pink eye. The answer is no. He'll be home again tomorrow. ARG!

Too tired to care...

So AFTER we got out of the hot tub last night, I still needed to finish getting my kit in the store and posted everywhere, but I got that done by 10:30. Then reading scriptures with Emily.

So at nearly 11 pm I was ready to START on the Tuesday Freebie for my class. ARG!!!

My sewing machine (the one I'd had since I was 16) bit the dust this fall...for the last time. I bought a new machine right away, but I never took the time to learn to use it. I'd had it out and threaded once, but that was back in October. So, with great trepidation, I took a few pieces of cardstock and a few spools of thread and embarked on creating stitched journaling pieces.

Within a few minutes I could make the machine make marginally messy stitches (I wanted messy). So about an hour later, I had all 8 pieces stiched. Then to start turning them into a digi product.

Long story short, I went to bed at 2:30 am. WAY too late.

Dave let me sleep in in the morning, but I heard the kids at 6:30 and got up then. We'd had a storm overnight/early morning and the roads were dreadful. I cancelled Nat's dermatology appt in Ogden.

But we still went to the "improving your marriage" class. A USU extension 4 week course on improving your marriage, first night tonight. Honestly I was so bored...mostly because I was TOO tired. I tried looking at a magazine, but that made Dave unhappy because I looked like I could care less what the speaker was saying (um...ya!)

I went to bed at midnight...still had to get my lesson ready for the next day.

Human Rights Day?

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? Whatever it's called, the kids were out of school. The kids took down some Christmas (yes, it's well into January and we still have our tree up) before they could go play at Grandma Cottle's house. I needed to go in the afternoon for a singing practice. Natalie needed Grandpa's help with her geometry. I mostly worked on my Sunny Side Up kit when we weren't singing.

For Relief Society this coming Sunday, the lesson is on service, so Mom wanted someone to sing "Develop His Power Within You." It has gorgeous harmony. Mom and her sisters sang it so many times when we were younger, that we knew the song quite well without even practicing. So Mom, Katie & I would be singing. Mom was going to sing second. That left Katie and I to fight over the alto and soprano (usually I sing second with Mom). I could barely hit the alto, which wasn't even written in. So I asked for soprano. It had one F, a handful of D's, but the rest was easily in my range. So that's how we decided to do it.

For FHE Dave gave the lesson and Natalie chose Hot Tub for activity. I'm glad we are enjoying it again. It's cold outside, but not IN the hot tub. (I often wear a hat -- yes, a winter hat--and I look like a dork, but I'm WARM!) Mostly we enjoy visiting, since there is nothing to do in the hot tub BUT visit. Maybe I'll get some of those waterproof UNO cards.

I've got pancakes coming out my ears!

Sometimes when i look at it, I think it's AWESOME! Other times I think I should start over. I think it's mostly because I've been looking at it for too long. I spent the entire day. Yup, then ENTIRE day working on my new kit. I mean I walked over to Mom's for a few minutes...to get her light yellow(butter) felt. But that's it. I mostly sat in my chair and designed.

It seemed hard. Usually when I have a kit in my head, it just flows so easily, but this one didn't work like that. I think it's because I did it backwards. I did the fun stuff first. The felt elements are adorable, but I didn't know what color scheme to start with, so I did the elements first and took the colors from them. So now I'm doing the hard stuff last.

And making my own previews is hard. I've made 3 before this one, but none of them were full kits. And this kit is FULL!

I do think I like it. Maybe I just need more sleep.

SM crashed tonight. Not sure when it'll be back up. There has been a rash of hacking at scrap sites all over digi-land. Hope its not too hard to fix.

Communication is the key

So yesterday Mom kept saying she wanted to work on Friday, but I didn't. She only works when I am there, so I can answer questions--although those times are becoming more and more infrequent. Anyhow, I told her I would come in, but I wasn't going to "work for Dave", I'd bring my own stuff to work on. I thought she wanted to come.

She didn't. But she did come and Dave kept her busy with "new stuff" so she didn't make progress on the list that was on her desk when she arrived. We need to figure out how to understand what we mean much better.

I spent the day answering Dave's questions, reminding him of things, and monitoring emails. But really I was working with my felt...on my new kit "sunny side up" -- a breakfast kit. I actually got to go home about 3pm. It was kinda weird. I spent the rest of the day working on my class lessons for next week. I got the main 3 done. Oh, and Marky started crying and wouldn't stop. So I cuddled and rocked him. I think he was cold. After 45 minutes he was ready to play again. In the meantime Emily went to sleep at 4:30 also.

Dave was late getting home for our date, but I was later. Right before we were to leave, I got a phone call from Karen Maughan (a Cottle cousin's wife) about another T6 baby. Angies for dinner/date and home to sleep. It still took me 'til midnight to get to bed.

I am TIRED!

My work days are too long. Seriously. I'm sure my ancestors are laughing at me. But whew!

Katie wanted to clean today, so I raced around straightening the house before work this AM. Then work 'til 2:30, race to Marky's school, take him to therapy from 3 to 4. Then running errands and home about 7.

Too much stress which makes me grumpy!

Then I work on my class/scrap store 'til past midnight, then to bed by 1 am. In fact I think I've been to bed around 1am all week.

More sleep would help with the grumpies too.

312,000 miles is a LOT!

I hate going...I resist as long as possible...but then I'm always glad I went.

The folks at PCMC are so good at what they do. The see so many kids with problems that they know things that most doctors don't. For example, they suggested a couple of options for controlling Marky's drooling. No one has mentioned that before. My vote is the surgery to remove the salivary glands--not all of them, just the 4 out-of-control ones. Apparently it works about 80% of the time.

And his ear needs the canal wall down done as well. Plus the one doctor recommended botox in his knee and knee immobilizers to stretch his leg muscles. So we can do them all at once.

Oh, and we are supposed to see the orthopedics people about his spine/scoliosis. I figured it'd be a few months before we could get in, but they said Feb 1st. Wow! That was fast.

We stopped in to see if baby Ella was there. She was, but she didn't have any parents there. I left a note for Sandy and a bear w/a balloon. At least we knew she was still alive.

But Marky and I left at 8 am and got home at 7pm. Ugh!

You see Dave called me during the day, but my phone didn't work inside PCMC. So once I left I called him. He'd been in Ogden all day. His car died. Or nearly died. It had 312,000 miles on it. $3500 to fix. I picked him up, and as we were driving down the freeway he said it'd take a week or more to fix. I asked him why he didn't ask for a loaner--Dan (Cutrubus) would probably give him one. So we turned around and went back. We knew asking meant they would try to sell us a car, but I wasn't sure that wasn't better than pouring $3500 into that old of a car. Before going in, we prayed that we would know what to do. We considered our options to be: 1) fix the old car or 2) buy a new car -- Dave wanted to get one of their "program" (one year old dealer driven/rental) cadillacs about $30,000. He didn't want to "move sideways", he wanted to upgrade.

We didn't feel good about either option, so we went in to at least see what they had to say. We explained that we'd planned on letting Natalie drive that car next year and buying a new one for Dave next Christmas. Skyler (and Dan) suggested a third option: buy a "teenager" car for $3500 that'd be sure to run for at least a year, then Dave could upgrade. They had a hundai Elantra with 80,000 miles for about $3500. Actually they had 3 or 4 cars that fit our needs, but when they brought the first one around (we were treated like royalty--we didn't even have to walk the lot, they brought the cars to us) Dave said "I'll take it." So we signed a 1 month promissory note and Dave drove the new-to-us car home.

Days like this are stressful. And sometimes I'm better at dealing with it than other times. I slipped up some this week. I need to work harder.

When it rains it pours...

So far it seems we hear from the adoption agency about once a month. So I certainly wasn't expecting another "situation" email this morning...it's only been like 4 or 5 days. And I MOST certainly wasn't expecting the second "situation" email tonight. Holy Cow!

Neither of them are ideal. In fact neither of them would I describe as "good". One is $10,000 more than the average, due in 6 months (explains the higher cost), and the sex of the baby is unknown. The other is a half american indian baby. So it's substantially cheaper, but the tribe has to approve of you and apparently that takes a LONG time and is potentially quite expensive. So tomorrow we'll "search it out in our minds" and go from there.

Phew!

C-C-C-Cold!

It's been cold all winter. Losing 40 lbs isn't helping me stay warm, but still. The other morning it was -20 when the girls caught the bus. Today feels about the same.

I worked today since tomorrow is parent/teacher conferences so the kids will be home.

For Family Home Evening, Emily's lesson was a mini testimony meeting about sharing our experiences and feelings (does it sound like she listened to me talk about my RS lesson?)

It turned out wonderfully. I talked about how I know each of us can receive personal revelation. Dave talked about avoiding contention/not getting angry. Nat spoke about the Lord loving us individually/pre&post earth life really happen(ed/s) and Emily talked about the importance of temple work.

We capped off the evening with a dip in the hot tub. Even in the extreme cold, we can stay warm (briefly) in the hot tub.

There is a God

This never was in question, but it WAS the title of my lesson today. VERY basic and very short--at least in the lesson manual. My memories of my first relief society lesson was that it came together fairly well and by two or three days ahead of time, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

Not this time. I really had a hard time deciding what to do. Like I decided to have them work in small groups finding scriptures that teach us about the character traits of Heavenly Father. Then while Em and I are reading scriptures, I decided that was too hard and not a good idea. So I was back to the drawing board at 11:30 the night before my lesson.

Dave and I brainstormed about it some...but he kept suggesting ideas that to me seemed off topic.

And I forgot my main poster. So I got up, did the main poster, cut all the handouts, made blueberry muffins for breakfast and threw in a roast for lunch. AND I was late for church. I was pushing Marky's wheelchair into place as Bro. Page started the meeting.

I just stuck to the lesson and the topics there. There was a lot of participation in my lesson. Since it was about the basics, answers were easy, but short. And that doesn't help fill the time. I believe that the best lessons are the ones where people bear testimony to one another...not formal testimony meeting, but sharing their spiritual experiences with one another. So that was my goal. Get them to share their testimonies...the little experience testimonies. And apparently it worked. When someone would answer a question...like Camille said she thought Heavenly Father is patient. I asked her why she thought that? Scriptures? Experiences? She started to cry and shared some of her feelings. That was how the whole thing went. Lots of people answering the questions and sharing their spiritual experiences=testimonies. A couple of people didn't...so I tried to share something when they didn't. Note for next time...have more of my own experiences to share.

I was still stressed about filling the time, right up until 11:50, when it was obvious we were going to make it. I think we got out a little early, but Mom gave me a thumbs up, so I knew it was good. Remember she doesn't give compliments that easily.

So my next lesson is titled Jesus Christ. Wow! Better start on that right away.

This is the way we clean the church...

It was our family's turn. And it was DIRTY! Dave worked on his stuff all day. I got some commenting done for my class and worked on my lesson. Then we cleaned the church. Note for next time: it takes a long time to vacuum.

After 2.5 hours of cleaning, we hit Big J's for dinner. Yum!

Then I finished my posters for my lessons.

I'm thinking that 1 am is the new midnight. I haven't been to bed before midnight in I can't remember when.

Saying No can break your heart

So yesterday when I got the email about baby, I was nervous. Not feeling bad about it. Not feeling good about it. Just nervous. Then when Emily and I were reading scriptures, she was reading about where Alma was troubled about what to do with the wayward members of the church. It really struck me how the Lord appreciated the efforts Alma was making to seek the influence of the Lord. Finally I felt good about things. Dave and I talked and prayed and got a little excited about saying yes. Then next morning we filled out the forms so I could send them in.

OK, it's Friday. I was so busy the last couple of days I forgot about having the girls help get the house cleaned for Katie to come. ARG!

So I raced around all morning cleaning and was ready to go about 9am.

On the way in, Katie called to say there was no cold water running in my kitchen sink. She tried a few things...no water in the fridge either. I know that those are the two pipes that go underground. Um...sounds like frozen pipes.

So I argued with the scanner for nearly an hour trying to get the "YES" scanned and sent in. In the meantime Dave came in and asked if we could lose money. The answer is yes, but I said why don't you call the attorney. So he did. And I waited to send it in. First he called A Act of Love. I wanted to listen in, but I ended up taking a call. Act of Love said yes, you can lose money--whatever birth parent expenses you pay are lost if something goes awry. Then he called the attorney's office. The attorney said that the baby's father had contacted him twice, and the baby's grandmother had contacted him as well. He talked about the details of what the dad had to do to protect his rights. He said it's not unusual for a Dad to jump up and down and wave his arms, but when push comes to shove, they don't do anything. And often it goes as far as the dad's mother pushes it. He talked about all the cases, how they win them, and how much they cost. The more he talked, the more uneasy I got. I wasn't sure why. I kinda thought that it meant that maybe we'd have a battle on our hands.

So Dave and I prayed about it. From the moment I kneeled down, I felt like I was going to throw up. Dread. Complete dread. I couldn't even concentrate on what Dave was saying in the prayer. As soon as I felt the dread, then I was sad and depressed too. After the prayer Dave was feeling OK, but I told him about the dread. He asked me to tell him again about my feelings from scripture study. I did. And I felt peaceful, but not like we should say yes. I cried and cried. And filled out another form with a No answer and sent it in.

And worked and worked. Dad came in when he was finished with school. Mom and I were still working. So I talked with him about the water pipes issue. We talked about the details, what pipes went where. Eventually he said something about the water softener. THAT was the key. Then I knew for sure it was frozen pipes because those two places were the only ones that don't go through the water softener. ARG! So Dad started talking about how it usually freezes at the cement line. That's when I realized that Dave had cleaned the garage...removing the boxes from the wall on the other side of the garage. The boxes that were obviously providing insulation. ARG!

So by afternoon it had thawed and was working. And we opened that door and removed the boxes from the inside so that the air could circulate. So it's working again.

I got home from work and errands at 5:30. Dave and I left for our date at 6:30. We ate dinner at our favorite, Angies, and watched a video. But we were so tired that was just fine.