I am exhausted, but so relieved to be home. You know. I haven’t cried yet. Then this morning happened. I fed Jacob at like 5:45-ish, and put him down so I could sleep ‘til 7, but about 6:45 he threw up. He was part-way on his side, and I heard him do it. (I’ve suddenly become a very light sleeper.) so I jumped up right away. And stared working on cleaning him up. He wasn’t happy and started crying as I took off his clothes. I thought I heard what sounded like a stuffy nose, and I briefly thought of bulb syringing him, but I figured he was upset about being naked and cold. I quickly got a warm tub of water and a wash cloth and worked on washing him off, but he was getting more and more upset. I picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket and snuggled him close, but I could not console him. I tried changing his diaper…in the middle of that, his alarms started going off. He was sat-ing fine, but his heart rate was over 200 and staying that way. I wondered if his probe was reading right, 207…211…217. He would scream for a few seconds, then go still for a few seconds, then scream again. I was pretty sure he couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t find a bulb syringe, so I unplugged him and raced him down to the nursery. He screamed the whole way, so there was a nurse standing there who punched the code and let me in. The two nursery nurses (it was report time) looked at me like “why are you here right now?” I said, “I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I need help.” Besides, Jacob was upset, and he isn’t usually upset. I lost it. Through tears I told them I couldn’t find a bulb syringe. One nurse immediately got one and suctioned his nose and mouth, but he still kept doing the same thing. We could all tell he was screaming then he’d apnea. The other nurse suggested some saline and making SURE his nostrils were clean, since babies are nose breathers. I was still crying. I was afraid they’d take him away from me. I was afraid he’d have to stay longer. I was afraid that he had something really wrong with him. She salined him and suctioned a big chunk of gunk out of each side. Then he took a deep breath…through his nose. And calmed right down. They put the bulb syringe in his basinet and sent me back to my room. I took him in (he was still naked—diaper and blanket only) I scooped him up, held him tight and sobbed for half and hour. I am VERY attached to my little boy.
Eventually he started to stir and root around. So I dressed him and fed him and held him. Then I put him in the basinet and cleaned and packed the room. And got ready to leave. He was supposed to get his last dose of amox at 10, but they were going to do it at 9 so we could leave. But the doctor hadn’t shown up. She arrived at 9 just as I was taking him to the nursery.
She said everything was looking great. Chest x-ray was clear. Numbers were looking good. She wondered if he even needed the O’s. As if on cue, his sats dropped to 87 and stayed there…and the oxygen was ON. She turned it up and decided he needed it. I told her about the spitting up/plugged nose issue and she was OK with it. She asked me if I was still comfortable taking him home. “I just charted that he can go home, are you still OK with that?” … um…YES!!!!!!
Then she said because he’d failed the car seat test, we needed to go buy a head/neck support and repeat the test…for 2.5 hours. So we are NOT leaving at 9:30. I described what we needed to Dave, who’d headed to the nearest department store. Within a half hour he was back with one. Not my favorite model, but at least we had one. Then the self proclaimed OCD nurse said 2.5 hours. I thought I was going to lose it. I asked her…not so nicely…how long it took her to get to Preston (she said she had family there earlier in the week) Dave calmed me down and quietly said to give him a chance to charm her. And charm her he did! Within 10 minutes the two of them were laughing and reminiscing like old friends. They talked for over an hour about everything. Then they came out and she sat down with us and asked us if we had questions about anything. We talked about bathing and umbilical cords and blankets at night and pacifiers. Finally Dave asked if he could go take a nap. So I carefully suggested we let the agency know what time to arrive. She said 1pm (yes, the full 2.5 hours) Dave said he needed to be in Newton by 3. So she said, how about noon? (only 2 hours) then she’d do paperwork with the agency while I fed him.
As I dressed him my eyes were filling with tears. I could tell that I was going to cry half way home. I asked for a box of tissues for the road. I had to keep telling myself to BREATHE as we walked to the car.
Kathy (the nurse) set his car seat on the back seat, but she let me fasten it and didn’t even check it. Dude. Dave can work magic. Angie (agency) gave me one last hug. And they shut the door. Dave crawled in and the tears fell. For the second time I sobbed for a half an hour.
Jacob did excellent on the way home—no desats. Around 2 the girls started texting “where are you?”, we pulled up about 3. Emily was already home and she patiently…not THAT patiently waited for me to take him out of the car seat and hand him over to her. She cuddled with him for 10 or so minutes til Nat got home and took a turn.
When Marky got home he was so excited. I could claim he was excited to see me, but in retrospect, I’m not sure that was it. I walked him to the chair so he could hold Jacob. I sat him in my lap and held his arms while Natalie put Jacob in his arms. He was just mesmerized…and excited. His one arm slipped out of my hand and I caught him as he was going to grab his head. I helped him softly stroke Jacob’s head. Meanwhile Emily was snapping photos.
Then a funny thing happened. I took Jake with my right hand and Mark with my left, for Nat to take Marky, but their tubes were tangled. LOL! So Nat and I passed the boys back and forth untangling Marky’s feeding pump and tubing from Jacob’s sat monitor and oxygen tubing. For some reason it was very silly to us.
It keeps hitting me. I’m busy straightening the kitchen thinking about getting dinner and coordinating timing with feeding Jacob and I suddenly realize I have a baby. And tears well up.
Tonight Grandma Nola (my grandma) and Mom and Dad and Aunt LuAnn and Uncle Martin came to visit. So did Katie and her kids. Her boys washed their hands, but all they did was look at him. Everyone else held him. Grandma asked a few times what his name was. We visited and they asked details about the adoption. Dave had called everyone (since they all said they wanted to come) and suggested they come after dinner about 7pm, and that they leave by 8:30 since I was so tired. It worked perfectly.
Now scriptures with Emily, feed Jacob and get to bed. 1am will come all too soon.
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