Clarkston

I got the girls up and out the door with my parents to church. Then I madly finished up my talk. I was just too tired last night to finish it coherently. Then a quick bath with/for Jacob and off the Clarkston we went. (The stake presidency asked the wives to speak with their high council husbands because it is February and the topic was Husbands and Wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for one another.)

Our talks went well. Dave really has some talent in that area and I'd worked hard on mine too. We sure got a lot of compliments. I thought I'd recognize a few folks, but I was surprised at how many people I knew.

When we got home the real work began. JT had Marky's arm immobilizers on and strapped together in front. I thought it was dreadful. Then I had to take care of Mark. He is Harry Houdini. Holy Cow! He did OK in the afternoon in his high chair, but once Dave left for the teacher fireside, he was a wild man. For two hours the girls and I wrestled with him. I even gave him a dose of benedryl a couple hours early. It worked! He went to sleep...for 10 minutes, then woke up more wired than ever. Oh My! I was exhausted and my back was hurting again. I'm pretty sure I completely understand the immobilizers strapped together and I think I'd've understood them strapped together and strapped to the crib walls.

Finally at 9:30 he fell asleep. He needs rest. And no more loritab. He keeps throwing up and his digestive system is having a hard time getting going again. Poor guy. Hopefully things will continue to improve. But I'm not looking forward to 12-4 (my shift). I just know it's going to be a lot of hard work.

BTW, he doesn't seem to be in pain, just annoyed. It must feel weird. He keeps shaking his head no every few minutes. Maybe his equilibrium is messed up too. And he claws at the dressing. I don't dare remove it because I'm afraid he'd claw at his ear as well. And that would NOT be good.

No school tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday, we'll see.

What a LONG ride home.

Jacob slept pretty well. I fed him at midnight and he woke again at 3. I could tell my back was hurting from all the sitting in uncomfortable chairs and I'd slept on it funny. I took some Bayer back and body and started feeding Jacob. But my back was still uncomfortable, so I laid down next to Jacob. Then I was in trouble. I couldn't move--it hurt too much! I called out to Dave and he took Jacob. I just laid gently on my back til 5:30 when I my alarm rang. By then the medicine had kicked in and I could move.

We made it to Marky's room by 7, but the resident had already been by, pulled the drains, and said he could go home...as long as Dr. Muntz agreed. We waited a couple of hours for Dr. Muntz to call him and OK it. Then getting packed up took forever. I know we got all that stuff in the car for the trip down, but wow!

Finally we were on our way home. I sat in the back between Jacob and Marky. Primarily to protect Jacob. But that meant Marky spent the time whacking me with the bead curtain and slapping my leg or whacking me in the head with his arm immobilizers. It felt like 3 hours before we were home. And Jacob was hungry. I could feed him, but I couldn't take him out and burp him or change him. So he would just get grunty and uncomfortable and I couldn't do anything about it.

I was so relieved to get home.

And I started working on my talk.

2 kids at the hospital

So I slept from 1am to 3am when Jacob wanted to be fed again. Then I napped for about 20 minutes before it was time to go. Dave packed everything. I sat in the back between Marky and Jacob's car seat. I would've slept on the way, but Dave hadn't slept at all, so I was worried he would fall asleep on the way down. I stayed awake and kept him talking.

Once we finally found the same day surgery center, we were treated like royalty...or lepers. They whisked us into our own waiting room. Dave was parking, I was carrying Jacob, pulling Marky and all the stuff in a wagon...all that I couldn't carry over my shoulder. Crazy!

It wasn't too long before Jacob was ready to eat. Dave and I passed him back and forth while we helped ready Marky for surgery...hold him while they did his IV...put on his gown&jammies...put a big X on his ear...etc.

Then they took Marky into the OR and we went to the waiting room...and waited...and waited...and waited...the surgery was scheduled to last 4.5 hours. But they thought it might be shorter. It wasn't. In fact it might have been longer. Jacob slept in the car seat next to me. Dave slept in the waiting room chair on my other side. I was supposed to be designing. But I was too stressed to design. Mostly I just chatted online.

Eventually they took us back to the recovery room. Marky was doing fine. Hurting some. They were giving him pain meds. He looked so cute: they had made a "ski mask" out of stockinette to cover his head so his dressings would stay on (and he couldn't get them off)

By late afternoon he was hurting again, so I asked them to get orders for more pain medication. They got some, but it took long enough that I put him on my lap in the rocking chair and rocked him. He settled down. So we did loritab rather than morphine. I'd been awake and sitting for so long I thought my behind would fall off.

They didn't plan to take care of him overnight. They planned on a nurse at the desk, but they expected us to actually take care of him. It took a while, but I insisted they bring someone in who would only be responsible for him. By 8 pm we finally left the hospital. We drove to Bountiful for a hotel we could afford, found some dinner at Village Inn and crashed in our room.

Juggling everything

I finished the "big picture" for Dave. (Where we need to spend our money.) Now he can do his part: what money we have to spend. And I was finished with work around 2pm. Oh, and the best part? We are official with both CUIC and Progressive. John sold the first two policies this week. Woo Hoo! Bad news: Teri with Bear River said no. Well, we'll just have to find other options.

I had camp meetings tonight. I managed to get tatertot casserole cooked and served before my meeting. It was another long one. I was home by 10 pm. I felt bad that I don't have the tie dye stuff done. Need to get on that right away. As usual Jacob just slept cuddled in my lap the whole time. Girls' camp is going to be awesome.

When I got home I got to start preparing for Marky's surgery. We are going to SLC to stay over while Mark stays over at the hospital. I had to make arrangements for Natalie to work on an extra credit project at the theater, and work out a ride for Emily to ward ski night. While washing a couple batches of clothes, I helped Nat with homework, then fed Jacob at midnight. Then sent my newsletter and packed my suitcase and crawled into bed about 1am.

Emily's SEOP

I raced around this morning to get out the door in time for Emily's SEOP. And I'm not sure why. It was the usual "you have lots of options for careers...there are lots of opportunities for you..."

I thought she was registering for 8th grade. Seriously. Waste of time. She registers TOMORROW. But I can come back if I like?

Jakey was great during the meeting. He started squeaking a little, so I took him out of the seat to cuddle with him. He loves to be held.

And it made me late for work.

I've been finishing up work almost on time this week. It's nice to be done by 1 or 2. Makes me feel like I am doing a better job as a Mom.

Much ado about nothing

So late morning I got a call from A Act of Love. Isaac would be calling instead of coming. LOL! All that work...and stress...for nothing. But what a relief!

The kids didn't come to the office today. We were supposed to hurry home and clean our rooms. Which is what they did. THEN I told them he wasn't coming.

I was paranoid about his call. For no reason. It only took 5 minutes. Max. He just asked about what kind of formula, how much, how long he sleeps, what the kids think of him, just the usual. I told him I was afraid they'd take him away. That I'm doing my very best and Jakey is doing great. He laughed at me. And that was it. He says he only has to come once and he'll do that in March. Phew!

Getting ready for Isaac

No school means I have a very ambitious list. So does Dave. But the highest priority is getting ready for Isaac to come for our first home visit since getting Jacob. They have to make 3 home visits. Dave and the girls worked on cleaning and getting all of Emily's old toys put away. I went shopping for necessities and to lunch for Katie's birthday. We had a good time visiting. I know Anne is not family, but she might as well be. Lunch was good. Karen held Jacob the entire time. I know Mom will be happy when she goes home so Mom can have a turn.

Katie had at least one kid throwing up, so I didn't want my kids to play with hers. I'm so obnoxious. So I went to Mom's for singing practice(singing in Karen's ward in March), but sent my kids home. Near the end of our singing practice. Kasey ambled into the kitchen and barfed. Twice. Katie went home. So did I.

And we cleaned.

Jesus Christ is our chosen Savior

Nice title, but the lesson was actually mostly on the grand council in heaven, how Christ was chosen, and how Satan continues to battle.

I was not prepared early enough. Last night after dinner I "made" my posters (digital) while we finished off our evening at Mom & Dad's with the kids in tow.

As my lesson began, I was wondering what I was going to say next and how I was going to make it last long enough. It went OK, but I'd rather be more prepared next time.

Jacob was good during church. Mom and Emily traded off holding him. I don't know how we got confused...no wait...yes I do. Mom said something to Emily, but since Emily doesn't read lips, she thought Mom said give ME (as in Mom) back the baby. So Emily had Mom hold him during a chunk of sacrament meeting. We were passing him all over. Good thing he's nice and quiet.

I fed him during Sunday School. Fed him and slept. I was so tired that I fell asleep in the nursing mother's room.

Emily brought in my sword. I didn't tie it in as much as I've liked, but we did spend a large chunk of time talking about how Satan continues the war in Heaven and what to do about it.

I nice afternoon nap with Jacob on my chest again. Then since it was our turn for dinner, things got a little crazy. Marky spiked a fever AGAIN. And with surgery coming up this week, I wasn't comfortable ignoring it. So after dinner we went to the OR. Dave tells the lady Mark has an ear infection. Dude. I tell him to go ahead and sit down and I'll handle it:

He has been spiking fevers and his breathing is a little labored. (If you want to be seen in an OR, you better have chest pains or trouble breathing) She said "trouble breathing?". I said "Well, not too much or I wouldn't be patiently sitting here talking to you, but it's not normal." They whisked us back, ran some tests, and decided there was nothing wrong. Well, not nothing, but it must be viral.

Good thing there is no school tomorrow.

Happy Valentines Day

I worked on laundry and digi stuff all day today...that and cuddling with my little man. I love to fall asleep in the recliner with him resting on my chest. He sleeps so well that way. Maybe 'cuz he can hear my heartbeat. I don't know, but it is our favorite way to spend the afternoon.

We took Jacob to the family adults-only Valentine dinner, of course. Karen held him most of the night. He's so cuddly. Dinner was ok. just ok. And for $30 a plate, it should be fabulous. I mean it was nice...very fancy food. Just don't make a sculpture out of my salmon and potatoes. I don't need shredded beet curls poking out everywhere. and a sesame seed cracker spear. I'm pretty sure the salmon was dead. I even ordered a dessert. A pumpkin cheesecake. It was good. My favorite part was the toffee. LOL! I'm so adverse to chocolate now, that I used my knife to shave off the chocolate and then devoured the toffee. Yum!

Showing off

We had an adults only dinner tonight with some friends from town. I'd said yes. And I know these people. But I was dreading going. Besides, Dave was late, so I had to go alone. (I could've gone late, but since I had the appetizer...)

People asked a lot of questions about Jacob. I think I've told the story a bazillion times. Mom was young. We weren't the first choice. Got him when he was 5 days old. Brought him home on day 8....naming him Jacob.

I'd fed him right before we left (or maybe Natalie fed him while I got ready), but we were only there for a few minutes when he had a little spit up. So I changed his clothes. The rest of the night he just cuddled in my arms and slept. It was perfect.

And we stayed a long time...relatively. I think 'til about 10:30 we were enjoying visiting with the Newtons, the Radmalls, the Spackmans, and the Adams

Easy Baby

I gave up creating a new product this week. I just couldn't get it done in time to be practical. So I did a "make your own sale" sale instead. Sent out my newsletter tonight. SO happy I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

Jacob is so easy to tend at work...well all the time. He just eats and sleeps. But he loves to cuddle. The doctor said he'd be swollen and grumpy today, but I couldn't tell. He seemed fine to me.

SO nice not to have to cart around oxygen and the sat monitor. After 2 days of not needing it, Doctor O'dell said I could return it all and not use it anymore. Woo Hoo! I took it back yesterday as soon as we left the appointment.

Long day...

I had to be at the doctor's office at 7:45 this morning for Jacob's circumcision. I had a hard time with it..I mean I'm not really sure why we were doing it. But we did it. They said he was an angel. Didn't wiggle or cry.

He was a little fussy in the office afterwards, but not bad. And I had a good excuse for cuddling with him all day.

Which was good. I was SO tired. For some reason last night he decided he needed to eat every 2 hours. So I went to bed after the 11pm feeding, but then I was up at 1 and 3 and 5 where I had to stay up to be out the door on time.

The girls went to visit their secret grandmothers for YW tonight. Which meant that we had to load up EVERYONE for me to take them at 5:30. Then I got home. Unloaded Mark for the nurse and Jacob. Noticed Emily's letter to her grandmother. Loaded Jacob BACK in the car to take it to her. By the time I got home, I was too tired to do anything but sit and enjoy him.

I didn't know you were expecting...

What do you say to that? It's easier if they say "I didn't know you were pregnant." Cuz I can say, I wasn't. But I was expecting...expecting someone else to have our baby.

We started the new Tues/Thurs-too-much-work-to-do plan today. On Tues and Thurs when there is too much work for me to go home at the regular time (to be home when the kids get there) they get off the bus near the office, pick Mark up from school, and we all go home together. They even have desks in the kid-room at the office.

It wasn't too bad. We were only there for about an hour. Then we ran errands. I bought them popcorn chicken and dropped them off at home. Changed my clothes and went back to Logan for the final night of marriage enrichment seminar. We sat next to the Maughans from Cornish where Sister Maughan said, "I didn't know you were expecting."

He's such a cutie. He was pretty quiet during dinner, but he wanted to eat during the speaker. Then I stood in the back and burped him. LOVE having him.

Memorable FHE

We will remember this one for a while to come! We invited a non-member from Newton to join us.

1. She showed up early...15 minutes early. We weren't done with dinner and Dave wasn't home yet. So...she ate dinner with us. It was just boring homemade spaghetti. I spent "dinner time" feeding the baby in the rocking chair.

2. We all went up to the theater room to watch Finding Faith in Christ. I like that movie, but it was a little awkward. Dave was shuffling people so she didn't end up next to him on the love seat. So Natalie sat next to her on the rumble love seat (the one that shakes when the movie is noisy). Phew. Lived through that hour.

3. Then it was time for activity. She wanted to play guitars with Dave. 'cept she's pretty good and Dave's pretty rusty. We sang lots of things. She knew a lot of "gospel" songs...just not ones that we sing at our church. We were trying, but the girls and I were pretty uncomfortable.

4. It took forever for her to go home. Eventually during the singing I told Natalie to serve refreshments. She kept on playing, hoping Dave would join in. Then the girls got out their homework and worked on it in the middle of the floor. She was still playing. When it was time for the girls to go to bed. Seriously. Like 10 pm. She finally left.

At least I have reasons why I can say NO (I mean no, thank you) next time Dave suggests it.

I was glad I had a cuddly little one to hide behind all night. Jacob didn't need oxygen all day today, but I left the dots on his face.

A three ring circus

We did it! We made it on time. We actually left the driveway at 8:30 and when we walked into the chapel, there were only 2 other people there. It took us a few minutes to get settled, but we avoided being a circus walking in. And we made up for it later.

LaRene Chambers came down from practicing the organ and made some comments about the "fake" baby Natalie had for Teen Living. Nope, that's our new baby. "It's real!" she squealed. LOL! Several people who'd heard the news stopped by for a minute on their way to their seats to admire him. Mom was probably busiest answering THE question: "Who's baby does Rachelle have?" The Bishop announced it, so once the meeting started everyone was pretty clear.

So Jacob was hungry at 8:30. I fed him first thing, while Emily held Mark who was crying. Then I handed Jacob to Natalie, switched seats with Emily and cuddled Mark on my lap. He made it to the end of the sacrament, then he'd had enough cuddling. He wanted to PLAY. I hurried to bear my testimony, I didn't want to chicken out. So I passed Mark to Emily. Pretty soon he needed to be suctioned. So I helped him walk out and Emily followed me with the suction machine. Then we went right back in. Nat wanted to bear her testimony, so Emily's turn for Jacob. When she came back, Nat and Em traded places so she could help with Marky. I twisted my back trying to keep him quiet, so I sent Nat out with Mark and the keys. She was going to walk him for a while and maybe get some lotion from the car to entertain him. Jacob got a little noisy, so Emily handed him back to me. Then Natalie returned with Marky. SEE? We were a circus.

Lots of well-wishers after the meeting. Emily took Marky to primary and I gathered up stuff and visited before heading to Sunday School. THE new question is "Was this a surprise?"

Jacob was a little fussy at the end of Sunday School so I headed off to change his diaper and fill his bottle.

Then I fed him again at the beginning of relief society, but he only ate half a bottle. Then he coo'd and grunted and just made noise all the way through the meeting. I was so exhausted I nearly feel asleep.

Anne came to see us after church. She and Megan brought a cute little outfit and a diaper holder.

I had high hopes of getting some scrapping done for Cory and some organizational charts done in the afternoon, but I opted for a nap instead. Not a real one, just the kind where Jacob falls asleep on my chest and I put the recliner back and join him.

Between high council responsibilities and the weekly "Cleon" meeting, it felt like I went to Mom & Dad's alone. I hardly saw Dave...maybe 2 minutes is all. Both Kristi and Anthony brought their families to see the baby. They had lots of questions. Mostly how did you get a white baby? and does it really cost THAT much? By the time we got home at 9:30 I was exhausted and discouraged. I don't really want to face tomorrow, and the next day isn't any better. I want another Saturday. LOL!

Hurray for Saturdays!!!

Hurray for Saturdays!!! My goals for the day were to get the bread mixes made, the laundry finished, my design work done, and a menu and job charts done. I got the bread mixes made. And quite a bit of laundry done. But not the other stuff. I let Emily give Jacob his bath…with a lot of help. And both girls got to dress him today. And I got caught up on my daily blog. Little man was doing great…no oxygen needed, til early evening. I’m wondering about his positioning. Emily had him on her lap and in a pillow while she read. But when I took him, he did fine. Then I put him on a pillow in my chair so I could work, and he needed it again. Hmmmmm…. I keep asking everyone to do everything I can to make it to church on time tomorrow.

Wish all days were this relaxed

Got to stay home today! Gave Jacob his first bath…took off the dots. Cleaned the messy counter spot while he napped. When Katie was finished with cleaning, I worked on laundry, made the bed. Got stuff done. It felt SO GOOD! By afternoon Jacob needed oxygen again. And he threw up twice. By nightfall I was really worried. He needed more oxygen today than yesterday and I don’t think I’m getting enough food in him. I’m afraid he won’t have gained weight when I take him to his appointment next week. I’m afraid because he still needs more oxygen. I’m afraid they’ll take him away. I asked Dave to give me a blessing. (he said tomorrow). We watched a movie and crashed. Jacob usually starts the night sleeping in his bed, but he tends to get cold and I tend to get tired. I can keep him warm, and slightly upright(so he doesn’t throw-up) and pay attention when he is in my arms. I do wake up every time he grunts or coos. Not sleeping well. Some nights he eats every two hours, but only 1.5 ounces. Other nights he takes in the whole 2 and a little more and sleeps longer. We are still trying to find a routine. Both of the girls got to change his diaper today. Oh, and they “babysitted” while Dave and I had a “date” in our room. We came out at 10 to find him sound asleep in Emily’s lap.

FOUR hour meeting?

Got to work at 9:30. Not too bad. And I had everything with me. I managed to get the profit and loss done for America First and a deposit. I left about 1:30 to run errands briefly. I spent most of the errand time picking out an album for Cori. I hope she likes it. I hope it works. I got a rub-on for the cover. They only had one, but the rest are on sale next week. Hope I get them so I can send them soon.

I made it to Natalie’s SEOP on time. Woo Hoo! I was home for about an hour. I spent it curled up in a chair feeding and cuddling with my little man. Then I headed off to a girls’ camp meeting. It was great…except for the fact it lasted from 5:30 ‘til 9:45. It was 3 consecutive meetings, but still! Jacob was SO good. He seemed hungry when we first got there, so I fed him, then he stayed curled up on my chest for the whole rest of the meeting. No oxygen needed.

This is not as easy as I remember...

So the plan for the day was for me to take Jacob into work, to work a little late, then run a couple of errands, then Jacob’s Dr. appt at 4:30, then home, take the girls to YW, and home for the evening. Yea right.

I got to work at 11. That’s right , 11. It took me forever. I didn’t even have a diaper bag packed for him. I hadn’t even thought of what to put in one. And I wasn’t showered or anything. Overnight I’d washed my clothes, but I was really tired and not thinking too straight. Since I was going to be gone so long, I wanted enough oxygen and enough blankets and enough…and I didn’t know how much was enough. Besides, I wanted to get the tape off his face and get the dots on. Even with adhesive remover, it took a while to get his face cleaned up and get a sponge bath and get the dots on and the tubing back on.

Good news was he wasn’t needing the oxygen all night or all morning. But in the afternoon at the office he needed some.

Errands took forever, and I didn’t get a couple of them done. The doctor’s appointment went well. Dr. O’dell said to shut the oxygen off unless he needs it. I had to stop and feed Jacob before we could load up to go home. Afterwards I took Dave Morrill the checks I was supposed to get done before the doc appt. I got to show Jacob off to him and his wife. They wrote one of our letters of recommendation. Then since I couldn’t be home before the girls left for YW, I decided to take Jacob to see the Whites. Mom White was SO excited. And she held him for two hours before I could get out of there. Then a quick stop at Walmart for a baby monitor and a few other things. But by then Jacob was hungry again. I pulled into the Kohl’s parking lot and stopped and fed him again. Then went home.

Nat had geometry homework. I sent her to get help from Grandpa. I was too tired.

But determined to get to work on time the next morning.

HOME at last!!!!

I am exhausted, but so relieved to be home. You know. I haven’t cried yet. Then this morning happened. I fed Jacob at like 5:45-ish, and put him down so I could sleep ‘til 7, but about 6:45 he threw up. He was part-way on his side, and I heard him do it. (I’ve suddenly become a very light sleeper.) so I jumped up right away. And stared working on cleaning him up. He wasn’t happy and started crying as I took off his clothes. I thought I heard what sounded like a stuffy nose, and I briefly thought of bulb syringing him, but I figured he was upset about being naked and cold. I quickly got a warm tub of water and a wash cloth and worked on washing him off, but he was getting more and more upset. I picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket and snuggled him close, but I could not console him. I tried changing his diaper…in the middle of that, his alarms started going off. He was sat-ing fine, but his heart rate was over 200 and staying that way. I wondered if his probe was reading right, 207…211…217. He would scream for a few seconds, then go still for a few seconds, then scream again. I was pretty sure he couldn’t breathe, but I couldn’t find a bulb syringe, so I unplugged him and raced him down to the nursery. He screamed the whole way, so there was a nurse standing there who punched the code and let me in. The two nursery nurses (it was report time) looked at me like “why are you here right now?” I said, “I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I need help.” Besides, Jacob was upset, and he isn’t usually upset. I lost it. Through tears I told them I couldn’t find a bulb syringe. One nurse immediately got one and suctioned his nose and mouth, but he still kept doing the same thing. We could all tell he was screaming then he’d apnea. The other nurse suggested some saline and making SURE his nostrils were clean, since babies are nose breathers. I was still crying. I was afraid they’d take him away from me. I was afraid he’d have to stay longer. I was afraid that he had something really wrong with him. She salined him and suctioned a big chunk of gunk out of each side. Then he took a deep breath…through his nose. And calmed right down. They put the bulb syringe in his basinet and sent me back to my room. I took him in (he was still naked—diaper and blanket only) I scooped him up, held him tight and sobbed for half and hour. I am VERY attached to my little boy.

Eventually he started to stir and root around. So I dressed him and fed him and held him. Then I put him in the basinet and cleaned and packed the room. And got ready to leave. He was supposed to get his last dose of amox at 10, but they were going to do it at 9 so we could leave. But the doctor hadn’t shown up. She arrived at 9 just as I was taking him to the nursery.

She said everything was looking great. Chest x-ray was clear. Numbers were looking good. She wondered if he even needed the O’s. As if on cue, his sats dropped to 87 and stayed there…and the oxygen was ON. She turned it up and decided he needed it. I told her about the spitting up/plugged nose issue and she was OK with it. She asked me if I was still comfortable taking him home. “I just charted that he can go home, are you still OK with that?” … um…YES!!!!!!

Then she said because he’d failed the car seat test, we needed to go buy a head/neck support and repeat the test…for 2.5 hours. So we are NOT leaving at 9:30. I described what we needed to Dave, who’d headed to the nearest department store. Within a half hour he was back with one. Not my favorite model, but at least we had one. Then the self proclaimed OCD nurse said 2.5 hours. I thought I was going to lose it. I asked her…not so nicely…how long it took her to get to Preston (she said she had family there earlier in the week) Dave calmed me down and quietly said to give him a chance to charm her. And charm her he did! Within 10 minutes the two of them were laughing and reminiscing like old friends. They talked for over an hour about everything. Then they came out and she sat down with us and asked us if we had questions about anything. We talked about bathing and umbilical cords and blankets at night and pacifiers. Finally Dave asked if he could go take a nap. So I carefully suggested we let the agency know what time to arrive. She said 1pm (yes, the full 2.5 hours) Dave said he needed to be in Newton by 3. So she said, how about noon? (only 2 hours) then she’d do paperwork with the agency while I fed him.

As I dressed him my eyes were filling with tears. I could tell that I was going to cry half way home. I asked for a box of tissues for the road. I had to keep telling myself to BREATHE as we walked to the car.

Kathy (the nurse) set his car seat on the back seat, but she let me fasten it and didn’t even check it. Dude. Dave can work magic. Angie (agency) gave me one last hug. And they shut the door. Dave crawled in and the tears fell. For the second time I sobbed for a half an hour.

Jacob did excellent on the way home—no desats. Around 2 the girls started texting “where are you?”, we pulled up about 3. Emily was already home and she patiently…not THAT patiently waited for me to take him out of the car seat and hand him over to her. She cuddled with him for 10 or so minutes til Nat got home and took a turn.

When Marky got home he was so excited. I could claim he was excited to see me, but in retrospect, I’m not sure that was it. I walked him to the chair so he could hold Jacob. I sat him in my lap and held his arms while Natalie put Jacob in his arms. He was just mesmerized…and excited. His one arm slipped out of my hand and I caught him as he was going to grab his head. I helped him softly stroke Jacob’s head. Meanwhile Emily was snapping photos.

Then a funny thing happened. I took Jake with my right hand and Mark with my left, for Nat to take Marky, but their tubes were tangled. LOL! So Nat and I passed the boys back and forth untangling Marky’s feeding pump and tubing from Jacob’s sat monitor and oxygen tubing. For some reason it was very silly to us.

It keeps hitting me. I’m busy straightening the kitchen thinking about getting dinner and coordinating timing with feeding Jacob and I suddenly realize I have a baby. And tears well up.

Tonight Grandma Nola (my grandma) and Mom and Dad and Aunt LuAnn and Uncle Martin came to visit. So did Katie and her kids. Her boys washed their hands, but all they did was look at him. Everyone else held him. Grandma asked a few times what his name was. We visited and they asked details about the adoption. Dave had called everyone (since they all said they wanted to come) and suggested they come after dinner about 7pm, and that they leave by 8:30 since I was so tired. It worked perfectly.

Now scriptures with Emily, feed Jacob and get to bed. 1am will come all too soon.

I can't believe he's mine!

Actually when the floor supervisor got here at 6:30ish this am, she was so apologetic that she hadn’t already given me a room, that she did so right away. Apparently they called and asked her if I could have a room. There was a misunderstanding as to who I was…and she said no. But I crawled in a nice hot shower by 7am and it felt SO GOOD.

BUT…I had to wait ‘til 9 for the doctor to give clearance for him to move to the room. We got everything planned for getting to go home tomorrow. Then we started jumping through hoops. Officially Jacob is not on our insurance until he’s officially ours, but then it’s retro-active to his birth. So he has no insurance, but we need medical equipment. He’s going home on oxygen: he still needs just a smidge of it when he is in a deep sleep. For a couple of weeks or maybe a month. So because of Medicaid, IHC can’t do the oxygen & pulse oximeter. But when it goes retroactive, then it HAS to be IHC. Finally we just had them put self pay on the bill to give us a couple of weeks to get it all straightened out. (and meet the deductible) Phew!

So about noon the med supply guy finally brought the pulse ox. Then I got him hooked up and we could head down to our room!

And I learned a few things: The day nurse is obsessive about only letting me feed him. I finally think I know why. Cori’s full name is on his ankle band. She believes I’m not allowed to know her full name. So I talked it over with Angie from Act of Love. Angie said Cori is not allowed to know OUR full names, but we can know hers. So, for the record, her full name is Cori Ann Taylor. I want to keep that somewhere, but I don’t want to give it to Jacob ‘til I think he’s ready. Don’t need some 11 year old facebooking his mom. LOL! No serious. So I saw it on the ankle band. But it’s also on the medical forms and it’s not blacked out very well. Angie knows that I know. She said she’d tell me.

OK, so Marky’s appt at Primary’s went well. Yes he has scoliosis. But it’s not very bad and now we’ll keep an eye on it. Then Dave raced down to the adoption agency to sign all the paperwork!!!!! Then they brought the paperwork straight to me to sign (it had to be notarized, so the notary had to bring it) I signed and initialed forever, but he’s officially ours…well, we are his official foster parents for the next 6 months, and THEN we can make it final. But everything is all signed and ready for tomorrow morning.

And we had a car seat snafu. Dave didn’t bring it yet, (why would he, with Marky and stuff in the car)but it turns out that Jacob has to pass a car seat challenge. He has to spend 2 hours in the car seat to prove he has the stamina to ride all the way home. I decided they can do that one between feedings in the middle of the night when I wouldn’t be holding him anyway.

I still can’t believe he is mine, but it is sinking in. I keep singing Julie through the glass to him…cept I sing “Jakey through the glass…just born a day ago…you’ve just got to be…the sweetest thing I’ll ever see. We…want you…to learn…to love yourself…because that’s where loving really starts…

Oh, and I decided to teach him that he is a child of God today. So we sang the first verse over and over and over. He was very alert and attentive after his 3pm feeding. Took him ‘til 4:30 before he fell back asleep. He just looks around and watches me. I need to get a mobile…or at least some hanging toys.

Karen is coming to visit tonight. Hmmm….should I let her feed him? Maybe not. He’s kinda hard. I’ve been learning how for like…2 days now. LOL!

Karen and I watched Cake Boss and Cake off and mostly just vegged for 3 hours. It helped the time to pass. Life is cake (no pun intended) I have to feed him then hold him for 2 hours…then feed him again. They do all the checks and changes. But I’m still looking forward to tomorrow.

PS. He did the car seat test at 11pm. Failed it. His head falls to the side and his sats drop. The nurse said we can put a rolled towel around his head and he’ll be fine.